Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Gee. I wonder why they think americans are dumb

Watching "Jerry Springer" with French subtitles...Not a great way to learn french, that's for sure. Too many 'bleeps'. :) Between Jerry Springer, re-running "Conan the Barbarian" on what seems to be an hourly loop, and showing Shaquille O'Neal movies dubbed into French, we're not exactly seeing the best media that America has to offer.

Great story on indie rock darlings "Clap Your Hands and Say Yeah" from NPR. Take a listen.

Moving into my new place on Friday! Whoo. Pictures to follow.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Three weekend observations

Ok. Just got back from a weekend ski trip to Villars with the PMI Ski Club. Great fun and actually got some excellent skiing instruction. I will summarize (note my refusal to anglican-ize my writing) my weekend into three observations.

1. European music really is that bad. They will make anything into techno, including, but certainly not limited to, "My Favorite Things", "Summer Loving" from Grease, the theme from Star Wars, and "country roads". And they dance to it. Badly, I might add. Sorry, swiss people. I love you but the dancing is questionable.

2. Do not ski with swiss ski instructors named "Bruce". They will take perfectly decent skiiers, and turn them into trembling, rank beginners by a) taking them off piste through some trees in 5 feet of crusty powder (um...Can't turn. Have to jump. Ben fall down hill), b) unleashing a sort of modified yodel when you do fall (think Ed McMahon's Hi-yooooo), and c) leading you over a rather large jump (unexpectedly, I might add). Air russell. I flew, but it wasn't pretty. Bruce did a helicopter. Seriously, this guy was amazing. A lot of fun and I learned a ton. Would definitely ski with him again.

3. Don't spill beer on italian chicks. They get a little 'fiesty'. Think

"I'm no friggin' monument to justice! I lost my hand! I lost my bride! Johnny has his hand! Johnny has his bride! You want me to take my heartache, put it away and forget?"

Woah.

smooches everyone.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

A country of contrasts

The beauty (view from my balcony in Lausanne)
The horror


I am RIGHT NOW watching these dudes provide commentary for a World Cup Slalom. Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket. I can't take it, man! I'm digging Gunter (on the right) the most.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Swiss Snafus

Two non-pleasant Swiss experiences today...The first was at 8AM in the morning, when I went to the communal office to get my offical work permit/papers (veh ah your papers?). So I was received a letter at my office last week that these things were ready. So I went today, and got chewed out because they sent a notice to my future address (even though I was very clear, both in writing and in person a few weeks ago that nothing was to be sent there pre February 1). I was told that they almost cancelled my work permit. And they kept telling me I made a mistake. So I got a little 'new york-y' and was like, 'madame. Where does your computer say I live?' and she responds with my current temporary address. Ah-HA! Not BEN's mistake. But even when presented with the evidence, they still insisted it was my fault. Cranky swiss people. But the good news is that I'm official and now actually have a paper that i have to carry when i travel. Very fun.

2nd annoying swiss experience...Ah f**k it. I'm tired. I'll fill you all in later. The swiss are efficient most of the time, but when they are not, it can be a wee bit frustrating. But usually it's good. I like how smoothly things run here.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Sunday Morning Sports

One thing the Swiss haveon Sunday morning is awesome Russell sports on every channel. Live. I'm switiching between the Australian open where Maria Sharapova is playing Daniela Hantukova and the super-combined mens' race in Kitzbeuhl, Austria. All live! On the first subject, Sharapova and Hantukova, besides having very similar names, could be twins. They are both tall blond women with long pony tails, both scream a lot when playing, and both wear a ton of nike gear. Oh. And both are wearing blue. Very confusing...

On to World Cup Skiing. Pissed I missed the downhill yesterday on TV. The Hannenkahm, for those of you unfamiliar with it, is THE badass downhill race on the circuit. It's not the longest, but it's the fastest and narrowest. Not sure of results yet, but I'll figure it out. I think I'm watching the slalom portion of the super-combined. I can't imagine excelling in both those disciplines...Slalom is so different from downhill/super g...Anyway, i'm going to watch Bode (hopefully not fall), and then head out for a while.

PS: For all you ski fans out there, Darren Rahlves, of the US, is actually third or fourth in the points standing, well ahead of Bode. He's a pretty awesome skiier, but always gets a bit hidden behind Miller. Keep an eye out for him. Where Bode is a slalom expert turned downhiller, Rahlves is a true downhiller, and is really the best US threat in Turin. Also a wily veteran.

PPS: I have to buy new skis. I made the mistake of using, um, really nice 163 cm skis the last two weekends, as my skis weren't here. Then I used my 177 boards yesterday. Bad idea..Oh well. guess I "have" to get some new ones...In all seriousness, my skis are great on east coast ice, but not so good in softer snow. Ironic, no? hahaha. Phil. How you like those Supersports?

laters.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Top O' the world, Ma!!




Beautiful, no? Too bad I had to ski through that cloud. It was not fun. I had a moment where I thought I was going to fall off the edge of a mountain. Then I just followed the ski school down. hahaha.

More later.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Dude. OMG...WTF?

We are so old.
Everyone I know still talks like this most of the time. Damn.

Laundry takes three hours here. They dribble some water on the clothes, stop, repeat, stop, reapeat...It's ugly. 35CHF for dry.cleaning. Five. Shirts.

Of to champery tomorrow for some skiing. Cheers, you humps.

Do you think the DMV would ever catch on if you requested a "OMGWTF" vanity license plate?

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Winner

We have a winner! Look under the comments section from my prior post to see all the answers. Well done, Ms. Walker. Every question was answered correctly!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Francais

Argh. Like being in high school (or worse) again. Me, a room full of people far more proficient in French than I, and a cheery french lady talking about going to the patisserie. hahaha. Actually, it wasn't that bad. I was definitely keeping up, and it was a lot of fun. But my accent is BY FAR the worst in the class. My reading and oral comprehension were somewhat retained in the back of my brain these last, oh, 9 years...But my accent... C'est horrible. (Say OrriBLE). See?

But check out the following true phrase from my lesson book. "Pawel, mon ami polonais, parle tres bien francais, mais avec un petit accent polonais". Awesome. Looks like they got you down perfect, buddy! Just kidding. Real life Pawel does not have an accent. In fact, he's one of those annoying 'i can master languages' people. Stupid language savants...

Warm up to the trivia contest (just to get the juices flowing; it's gonna get much harder). First person to post a comment (leave your name, or initials, please) with the right answers will get a nice bar of chocolate (if it clears customs).

How many Cantons make up the country of Switzerland? How many of those cantons speak a) German, b) French, and C) Italian? What is the fourth 'official' language of Switzerland? And, finally, name a Swiss chemist and, more importantly, the infamous compound he discovered in the 1940s... CONTEST ENDS ON FRIDAY!!!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Back from Zurich

Nice to spend a few days in a bustling city, though I was stuck inside for meetings most of the time. A long few days, but the travel was excellent. Swiss trains really ARE the way to go. When they say 'arrives at 6:38', they f***ing well mean it. Amazing. And yes, this is not news to anyone, but you really have to experience it, especially coming from the mass transit system (as good as it is) in New York City. Imagine going from Penn Station to DC and arriving on the minute. Always. Without fail. And if they are more than two minutes late, they apologize. If they are five minutes late, you get to drive the train. Dig it.

Does this make anyone else uneasy? Nothing makes me feel all warm and fuzzy like the resurging dominance of Germany...

Working on the inaugural edition of the fantabulous splendiferous Swiss trivia contest. Fabulous prizes and glory can be yours!! Stay tuned...

Sunday, January 15, 2006

It's cheap. It's EXPENSIVE. So confusing...

It's like a roller-coaster over here, man. I had my first run-in with some of the more ridiculous expenses that Switzerland has to offer. Filling up my little VW Golf which was 1/4 full already (1.6 litre engine, probably 120 horses at the most) cost me...SEVENTY-ONE SWISS FRANCS ($60)! I put about 11 gallons in the thing, which is just under 6 bucks a gallon. WOWWWW...That just solidified that I will NOT be buying a car anytime soon. Especially when a monthly bus/metro/train pass for two zones (a big area) is only CHF 58 per month! And I bought a "carte demi-tariff" for the train for only 150 CHF which entitles you to half off any train tickets you buy. A great deal! But then I took Laura to see "Lord of War" last night (Nic Cage movie that was out in the states this past fall) and it was CHF 34! (29 bucks) ARRRGGGHHH...I'll get used to it, I hope.

I can't figure out the pricing here at all. Some stuff is a steal. Other stuff is...Well, let's just say it's not a steal. Off to Zurich for some meetings.

BR

PS: Stay tuned for my fabulous Swiss trivia contest. Weekly winners will get delicious Swiss chocolate and, maybe, some gold bricks from secret vaults. yarr...

PPS: Hope you enjoyed "skiing" Killington, 'yatches. Guess I'll have to settle for this....

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Shout out

To all my peoples up in Vermont. Sad to miss the fourth year in a row of this little gathering; it's becoming quite the tradition! To make up for my unhappiness at missing all the Vermont madness, Laura, who is in town, and I took our own mini ski trip up to Villars. Quite the day! But hope you all are enjoying the zaniness in lovely New England, and hope to be there for the next one. Ok. time to go eat some fondue (it's like lactic crack, man).

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Switzerland...Are you ready to be ROCKED?


This is what I'm going to do to Switzlerland, my friends. Note how I pointed my finger at myself to ensure that everyone knows exactly who is doing this rocking.

Photo courtesy of one Ms. ALH. Thanks!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Holy s**t...I'm french

Scene: Lausanne Train Station.

Young Russell is walking through the gare de Lausanne, with his coat coller turned up, a feisty little scarf wrapped around his neck, and a loaf of bread under his arm. He is thinking nothing of this, until he hears the strains of an accordian being played some old blind swiss person. Then it hits him and he runs to mcdonalds to eat 3 big macs to restore americanness as soon as possible. Au revoir...

Oh. I placed into level 4 out of 6 in my language lessons. I'm not bragging. I think I fooled the guy somehow. I'm so f***ed... LEssons begin next week.

Clone Wars: Revenge of the Panthers

You know, I didn't need to read this article to know that cloning humans is still impossible. I learned it the hard way by watching Eli Manning and his merry band of idiots play the worst football game I've ever seen. No matter how much people want Eli to be Payton part II, he's just not ready for that mantle yet. And I watched this debacle LIVE. In SWITZERLAND. So embarassing.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

More skiing stories

Oh. And I forgot. The one lift we repeatedly took went over the snowboard park where people were doing some pretty sick stuff (backflips, etc.). But what was weird is that they were BLASTING the hardest-core rap I've ever heard. I guess they didn't understand the words. And there is obviously cursing and my colleague's son (who is six) turns to me and says "I think they are saying bad words" (which, by the way, included pretty graphic descriptions of sex, violence and drug use). I was like, 'umm...dude. don't listen to that'. All at a 'family' resort! It was really weird, because the Swiss are pretty prudish. As a rule, they don't curse and are generally quite polite. I think this is just something that was lost in translation, so to speak.

Oh. And grand total cost of my lift ticket for the best skiing I've ever seen? 41 CHF. Or about 30 bucks. Over 2x cheaper than skiing in Vermont. I could get used to this...

Busy Few Days

Still getting settled into my new city and country, but so far, it's been pretty smooth. I successfully registered with the local authorities and am now the proud owner of a Swiss bank account. I hate being one of those people who when they move, gush about the merits of their new location compared to their old one. And to be sure, I miss many things in the states. Having said that, one area where Switzerland is far superior to the States is, as you might guess, in the area of banking. There are no such things as checks here (though I know we're getting there in the states). But they don't even exist here. Everything is completely electronical in nature, which makes your bills and so forth quite easy to pay. They don't have 'debit cards', like we do, but they have these cards accepted everywhere in Switzerland, and that you can add 'cash' to to use on transportation and other areas, like restaurants. Just like college! Pretty handy. Plus you can buy a soda with a 100 CHF note and no one will look at you funny. People just carry a lot of cash here. But one area where Switzerland is lacking (and it's not a huge deal of course), is that nearly NOTHING is open on a sunday. There is one convenience store that will be open, but that is it! No other stores are open, and it's a pretty dead day. Though I could get used to this!

Went skiing yesterday outside the states for the first time. In line with my earlier theme of 'what is better', it's really no comparison. First of all, at least where we skiied, was HARD. Their 'easist' trails are blue, the harder ones are 'red', and then 'gray' is the hardest 'slope'. Then there are miles of off-piste (or trail) skiing. Basically, there are few boundries. You just ski where you feel like it. Which is insane to someone like me coming from the east coast where there are trails, and that's what you ski. But the rankings here are relative (as they are in the states, but as a rule they are uniform there). So yes. A blue was 'easiest' at this mountain. But it was NOT easy. One was the equivalent, easily of a black diamond at Okemo or Killington. A red I skiied from the top had pitches of double diamond steepness and ice. God. Plunging 4000 vertical feet was pretty awesome, though. For the size of the place, there are a number of official trails, but you can pretty much go off piste where you want. See picture below for example.

That is insane. And this was a lift that was already halfway up the mountain. The 'run' to right of the lift was one of the steepest things I've ever seen in my life. I didn't take a picture of it, but I rode a lift over to the right of this one to 2277 metres (appx. 7500 feet) and took a run down. It was NOT easy, and it certainly was not off-piste. But riding up the chair, they had these craggy, rocky chutes that people were skiing. It was absolutely insane. Because this area, like many, is connected to other areas, we ended up far away from our car. Kurt, my boss, and I went on a rescue mission to ski back to our car. Found out we couldn't do it and were told to take the chairlift DOWN the mountain. And when I say down, i mean DOWN. This was the steepest lift I had ever ridden going UP the stupid mountain in the morning. Heading down was, shall we say, slightly neaseating. Imagine taking a short lift (about 5 minutes or so) but going down the equivilent of 3000 feet. Down a cliff. With the alps all around you. I would have taken a picture but was too busy holding on. hahaha. That's the first time that i can remember in ages being actually nervous at how high i was on a ski slope! unreal! But fun as hell. More skiing stories to follow. Go Giants!

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

First Day of Work

First day of work today. It's weird being 6 hours ahead of everyone in the states! But got everything set up. The sooner the better, so I can actually start taking care of my work! Picked up my rental car today and, no surprise, it's a 5-speed. I actually had a mental debate with myself that went something like this..."Dude. Don't be a nancy. It's not that hilly" vs. "Oh man. you're totally going to kill someone by rolling back into them on one of these f**ing GIANT-ASS hills". hahaha. But macho russell won, and took the five speed. Argh. it was all good until, you guessed it, he hit a stoplight at a hill and freaked out and burned SOMETHING because an awful smell filled the car momentarily. It's a rental. Whatever. And then parking, but that's a whole other confusing story involving me, some guy trying to communicate parking concepts to me in French (me: oui. bon. (i.e., what the f**k)). But when in Rome, right? Euros don't drive automatics, so I will not be driving one either. I am, in fact, driving a rather sporty VW Golf. Pretty cool. more later.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Young Russell Est Arivé

Day 1 in the grand adventure that is Switzerland has been relatively smooth so far though, to quote the Clash, I did get all lost in the supermarket...Those places are confusing, man! I think people thought I was 'special', as I was trying to decipher all the different products and figure out how the store was organized. I know that sounds like it would be pretty standard, but it wasn't. For example, the boxed pasta was located upstairs an aisle over from the pantyhose. Maybe that makes sense to these crazy bastards, but not me... But I think I did ok overall. Grossman has suggested a 'cheese of the week' posting, so I will inaugurate that in this post.

Cheese o' the week #1. Swiss. I'm not kidding. Cheap and Delicious. Firm, with hints of...Swiss Cheese... Mmm...

Otherwise, tomorrow is my first day of work, and all the fun administrative stuff that will go along with that, including getting a bank account, registering with the Commune (yup, that's what it's called), picking up my little roller skate of a car, and hopefully getting a cell phone soon. And plans this weekend include a little skiing and then over to my boss' house to watch the Giants game. How much does that rock? I was really sad that I was going to miss the playoffs, but aparently you can get them on satellite over here. Awesome.

My temporary apartment is swell. It looks just like one of those mini showrooms they have at Ikea. I shit you not. This place is one huge ad for cheap pressboard furniture. God Bless it. Lates!