Swiss National Day: Not July 4th, but Close Enough

While all you people were drinking beers and relaxing on July 4, I was working. Well, payback sucks. I get the day off work tomorrow for Swiss National Day. Whoo-hoo. And while it can never be the same, there are some nice similarities with July 4, all of them awesome.

1. Celebrating revolt and eventual independence from autocratic assholes (at least in 1291, that is)? Check.

2. Beers? Check.

3. Grilling? Super duper check. The supermarkets are carrying nothing right now except animals that you can char one way or another on an outdoor cooking surface

4. Pyrotechnics? F**K YEAH!. NOT only are there big fireworks displays (not Macy's but none too shabby) you can BUY GODDAMN FIREWORKS!! This was banned last year because the ground was too dry. Not this year.

To beer-drinking, meat-eating, fireworks-launching holidays. Word.

From the "Depressing Ads" department

The below ad is for Hornbach, which is the equivalent of, as you might have surmised, a Home Depot. This poor bastard looks like he'd rather be doing anything else besides remodeling his house on a lovely summer swiss day. The Hornbach tag line translates into:

"There is always something to do".

A bit depressing, no? The swiss do like having things to do though...

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son"

I know, I know. It's a low blow. But what are you gonna do? Red states are also well-fed states, apparently... :) Though southern food is pretty fucking awesomely, er...awesome...

Huh?

ATM's give out five-dollar bills? My ATM in college gave out 10s, which even at the time I thought was a bit weird. I've never seen an ATM in NY give out less than 20s...Then again, you spend 20 bucks every time you cross the street in NY...Maybe they should give out 5s...

Oh Shit...

New Charges Against Michael Vick

by Ben Russell

Richmond, VA

The sporting world was rocked earlier today by the news that Federal authorities have indicted Michael Vick on four charges of Cowfighting. Vick, and his associates Baptiste (B-Cow) Crespan, Urs (U-swiss) Ulrich and Pascal (DoubleP) Pascal, were indicted on charges relating to their alleged ownership, and operation, of a violent underground cowfighting ring (nicknamed Krazy Kowz) operating on property that Vick bought in Martigny, Switzerland.

The 18-page indictment against Vick and his co-defendants accuses them of animal cruelty in graphic detail and also alleges that Vick gambled on the fights. During a search of Vick’s Swiss property last week, 132 Herens cows were found, most grazing quite peacefully in the alpine meadows.

Vick's lawyer, Billy Martin, read a prepared statement from Vick himself. "Hey man. I was in Switzerland. That shit is legal, bitches."

The reporting staff at the Lausanne Found website have researched this claim, and have verified its accuracy. It is expected that all charges will be dropped...

Paleo Roundup

One thing I'll say for Swiss festivals...The sound systems are great, the bands start on time, and the bathrooms are relatively clean. Though more free earplugs would be nice; I'm walking around in a haze today :(

First up, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. Surprisingly, these guys filled a pretty big tent (2500 plus) and it sounded good. A lot of bands, I think, play large places by just adding bigger amps, etc., but their sound doesn't carry. These guys did. Decent show, all around, nothing too new or exciting.

Midlake was ok, but they were a victim of being on at a weird time. They are a mellow band, so it's tough to get really pumped up. I see them as being much better on their own in a smaller venue, not an outdoor festival. They're a very tight band, though.

And, finally, the Arcade Fire. I know. They are too popular/overrated/etc. Forget all that shit. They are awesome. One of the best live shows I've seen. Easily 20-25,000 people for the main stage, and they carried it off brilliantly. Of course, would have preferred them in a smaller venue, as I'm sure they would as well, but an amazing amazing show. You know you're doing something right when swiss people are dancing their asses off.

laters.

Off to the show

Whoo. Gorgeous day, skipping out soon (suckers) to go to Paleo Fest. Midlake, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, AND the Arcade Fire. Whoo-hoo. Should be fun. Full report on my return.

ciao.

The New York Times Strikes Again

Dude. If you thought last week's 'Readers Comments' was bad, the NYT is really hitting a new low with this week's 'blog'. This week's question is, "What is your Biggest Fear". I mean, seriously. Can you at least pose a slightly more engaging and intelligent question? You're a NEWSPAPER for god's sake, not bloody People magazine online!! Ask about a relevant NEWS topic...As last week, I have highlighted some choice comments below. Also, please note that the timestamps on these...The freaks (unless they are on euro time like me) really do come out at night, although some of these are, admittedly, kind of depressing.

"I’m a great public speaker. I do however have the fear of falling and being impaled by any sort of shaft sticking out of the ground (if anyone knows what this fear is called, please tell me). "

"Get over your fear by not watching bad 80's action movies. No one really falls off buildings and gets impaled. " -- YR

"Being an old maid, unmarried and without children. Seriously. I am 27 years old, very educated, politically liberal, etc etc and still that is my worst, most desperate fear. "

"Kudos for being honest, but please stop enforcing stereotypes of women as bunny-boiling man chasers. Holy Shit..." - YR

"You have nothing to fear, but fear itself!’ Who said that?"

"No one, dumbass. Next time you want to quote something, look it up on the magical interweb" - YR

Hmmm...

Perhaps I spoke too soon about LGA in my most recent post. Hey, FAA Train your controllers better! HOLY CRAP.

Also, in the "No F'ing Way!" department, the FAA/Congress allows lighters back on planes because searching people for lighters instead of bomb parts is stupid. Is this the bizarro world? Has the federal government actually made an intelligent decision regarding air security? Woah...

Short Runways Suck

I'm creating a new YR rule of thumb. Don't fly into an airport with a runway of less than 7000 feet (or anywhere near Brazil for a while...). On Monday, TWO planes at Congonhas International Airport skidded off the end of the 6353 foot runway, a day before a TAM plane also overshot its landing and, tragically, exploded. In addition, the already-short runway was notorious for being extremely slick and they were still waiting to add the 'grooves' on the pavement when this accident happened. Another plane TODAY also pulled out of a landing. Even LGA, where we've all had some decidedly dodgy landings (i love dropping out of the sky over the east river and smashing into the pavement at 180 MPH) has 7000 foot runways. Damn. Brazil, get your airspace/infrastructure in order!

Other things I Missed

A very happy birthday (last thursday) to this maniac right here and to DFF. Happy 30th, boys. Hope you got good and drunk because now you are old and will not be doing that anymore. Because you're old... hahaha.

Products I Miss...

I've been inspired by the New York Times. Seems they are really embracing the whole 'interact with your readers' thing. Some choice comments... I gotta start reading a newspaper that isn't pandering to morons...PRODUCTS you MISS? Jesus H. Christ. See my reader's comments below.

"Tidal Burst Gatorade, it was turqoius and tasted way better then any other Gatorade, bring it back."

"Bring back some decent spelling and grammar. I miss it." - YR


"The walkman - you could record what you wanted on a cassette deck rather than running up against the IP restrictions that make iPods rather awkward when you have multiple media sources. "

"Yeah, I totally miss carrying around a 3 pound brick which contained a hissy tape"- YR

Coffee for under a buck. Good coffee for any price (only been to 5 places in my life that can make a decent cappucino.)
Good radio

"Coffee for under a buck is not a product. You are lamenting the increase of prices over time. Read an economics textbook. Why not say you miss free coffee from the magical coffee river? You are a retard" - YR

"Cheez-It Party Mix… the kind with cheezits, pretzels, and those little puffy rice balls… so good but so hard to find anymore! I know of ONE grocery store where I live that sells it and sometimes I’ll do all my shopping there just so I can buy some. "

"Whoops. Sorry, Melissa". - YR

"A stereo with a turn table, dual tape deck, AND cd player. This is almost impossible to find. "

"Yeah. Totally. Also one with an 8-track player would rule. Sweet jesus...what is the matter with you people?" -YR

I wish we all lived in a society that never evolved. That would be perfect.

Buy a CosmoGirl (for a non-pervy reason, you sick bastards)

Yo. Go buy the August issue of CosmoGirl and check out the excerpt from MW's upcoming book "Violet on the Runway". Ms. Walker, instead of just, like, TALKING about writing a book (like everyone else, including myself has for many years) has actually gone out and done something about it. Whoo! And buy the book too, you cheapskates. It's really good.

Interesting tidbit of the day. Currently, I'm in a three-day training course on some leadership bullshit or some other such corporate nonsense. Anyway, we had an exercise today in which we had to put together a fictional travel itinerary based on a series of clues. So there were fourteen stops, and using the clues, we had to figure them out. I would like to point out, both to my American and non-American friends, that YR, the only American around the table, knew far more geography and history than everyone else. I think the Euros were in shock, as evidenced by numerous comments to the effect of 'wow, you know a lot of geography.' Left handed compliment, because they assume Americans are dumbasses. You know what I say to that? Go f**k yourself, Europe, you just got schooled by a yank (and we won too :) ). WHOO!!!

YR OUT!

Sweet.

Long Island strikes again.

"More shit we've made really tacky"

Alumni Magazines

Most people are the recipients of their college or university's alumni magazines, which are usually published quarterly. I'm always amazed that my little college in the middle of nowhere has the ability to accurately track where I am at all times. I swear, people in my company are still sending stuff to two addresses ago in Brooklyn. I think our alumni office uses the same technology as the Pentagon.

Besides being a great way to keep up on what's going on at your particular institution itself, there is normally a section in the back where people write in, tell us how they are doing, send pictures of the new kids, etc. I always turn eagerly to the back and go see what those in the classes around me have been up to. Recently I read the whole section (as in today cause it's raining and i'm going mental stuck inside). And I know this blog is on some Carleton aggregator, but I'm obligated, I think as a alumni donor, to make a small suggestion. Please, someone...Start reviewing these things for content. I'm not advocating censorship, but check out this recent nugget (names and class year omitted for obvious reasons).

"I am trying to keep my children out of prison and my house from being condemned"

Gee, thanks for the update. WTF??!!

Sheeeeeiiiiittt....

Enjoying catching up on the Sunday Times on a rather rainy Lausanne day, and it occurs to me...YR and DMG are just so fucking ahead of the curve it's not funny. Observe, first, this story regarding one man's odyssey to make the 'F' train an express line in Brooklyn. Then I'd like to refer you to the following post from DMG (with comments by yours truly) back in December.
Seriously? We rock. Besides, we've been saying that shit since 2003... word.

This guy is a nancy for not keeping his car (and for writing such a lame article). 4 years in the city...Towed once (not my fault) and only 2 tickets. Either you have the stomach for it, or you don't. 'nuff said. :) I love it when people 'discover stuff' about living in the city. Granted, I'm sure someone mocked all of us for 'discovering' stuff as well, but i wasn't a 'journalist' either. hahaha.

laters.

What's grosser than gross?

Dude. THIS IS SO GROSS !!

Happy 4th of July

Once again, stuck at work. Totally, totally, TOTALLY lame. A funny story of note, though, keeping in mind my last post...

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/03/science/03boom.html?8dpc

See, I bet these high-schoolers could have blown something up successfully...

New! Terrorist Threat: Brought to you by Acme...

Sometimes I'm just not sure why we all live in such fear of terrorist attacks. With the exception of September 11, most of these operations seem to be run by rejects from the Wile E. Coyote school of terrorism.

Let's go through what are, in my opinion, hilarious facts about the failure of these fucking morons to do any damage to anyone other than themselves over the past weekend in London and Glasgow.

1. The London retards parked their gas-filled bomb-cars in illegal spots. Anyone who lives in a city knows that it takes local authorities, oh...about 12 seconds to happily tow an illegally parked car... Jig's up...

2. The Glasgow guys, one of whom hilariously set himself on fire (yes, it's fucking funny, i'm sorry) didn't have big enough detonators to blow up the propane tanks. They only had enough to blow themselves up.

3. They couldn't figure out how to work the cellphone detonators.

Anyway, the image of a terrorist on fire running around with a little 'help' sign, while a cop stands by going 'meep-meep' seems rather apt today... Didn't these people go to high school? That's where you learn to seriously blow some shit up...