From the Brilliant Minds Who Brought You Credit Derivatives...

From an e-mail I just received on my Citibank checking account (which at last look, has 14 cents in it)...

Dear BENJAMIN RUSSELL,
Good news! Citibank is participating in the FDIC's Temporary Liquidity Guarantee Program. Through December 31, 2009, all of your non-interest and interest bearing checking deposit account balances are fully guaranteed by the FDIC for the entire amount in your account. *
And as a reminder, in October the FDIC increased the amount of insurance on eligible savings accounts -- such as savings, market rate, money market accounts, club and holiday accounts, and certificates of deposits -- from $100,000 to $250,000 through December 31, 2009.**

Dude. How is that "good news"? When my bank is so screwed that they are like, 'don't WORRY, the GOVERNMENT will guarantee your money", you are in deep shit. People are gonna take this as a sign to go to the bank, withdraw everything, and keep it under the mattress...I know i'll be doing that with my 14 cents. Now that I'm a communications professional, I'll re-write this little e-mail for these jokers, cribbing from a classic of our youth...
______________________________________________________________
Dear Benjamin Russell,

I know you've seen some negative coverage about citibank. I'm here to tell you that you ain't got no problem. We're on the motherf**er. Go back in there, chill them boys out and wait for the FDIC, who should be coming directly.