Lausanne Found

Oh...And another thing

2008-12-14T10:56:00.004+01:00

I don't usually follow 'best of' music lists, but it's been a dry year, and I tend to trust the A/V club for their reviews. I usually just listen to Phil and Dave to make some good recommendations, but thought I'd try something different this year...And it's now a very clear fact that I am old and do not like new music any more :) That's a bit of an exaggeration, obviously, but dude..I was hardly impressed with any of these releases. Sorry. In rant mode, and sorry Brooklyn, I've always thought 'The Hold Steady' sucked and this latest outing from them confirmed it. Vampire Weekend (yeah, I know i'm about 8 months behind the times) sounds like the bastard love child of Paul Simon circa 'Graceland' and a camel. Sucky. Wolf Parade...Super sucky. And on my suckiest of all list....The Gaslight Anthem rounds out my sucky list. Yeah, it's good. It's catchy. But it still stucks.

I really wanted to like Black Mountain, and I kinda did, but again, nothing crazy new there. I mean, certainly not bad, but mediocre.

I've always really liked The Helio Sequence, and their new album is no exception. Check it out. TV on the Radio. Didn't love it, but think it's a really amazing piece of work. Fleet Foxes. Jeff Forrest got me into these guys, and I'd been reading about them for a while. Good good stuff. A more ethereal, if possible, Midlake.

Thus enduth my music reviews for 2008...

Game over, man. Game over...

2008-12-14T10:43:00.003+01:00

When people look back on 2008, I think the summary might look something like this...

Banks collapsing, savings disappearing, values plummeting, stocks dying and now...Killer f***ing mice...

what's next, man? One of these things??? RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!

Whoops

2008-11-25T11:18:00.003+01:00

Ummm...I guess we all slept through this one...Whatever. It was cheap beer and wings night at the Reub on Thursdays, and it was so damn cold...Did anyone GO to this?

http://apps.carleton.edu/news/news/?story_id=475508

From the Brilliant Minds Who Brought You Credit Derivatives...

2008-11-24T12:05:00.002+01:00

From an e-mail I just received on my Citibank checking account (which at last look, has 14 cents in it)...

Dear BENJAMIN RUSSELL,
Good news! Citibank is participating in the FDIC's Temporary Liquidity Guarantee Program. Through December 31, 2009, all of your non-interest and interest bearing checking deposit account balances are fully guaranteed by the FDIC for the entire amount in your account. *
And as a reminder, in October the FDIC increased the amount of insurance on eligible savings accounts -- such as savings, market rate, money market accounts, club and holiday accounts, and certificates of deposits -- from $100,000 to $250,000 through December 31, 2009.**

Dude. How is that "good news"? When my bank is so screwed that they are like, 'don't WORRY, the GOVERNMENT will guarantee your money", you are in deep shit. People are gonna take this as a sign to go to the bank, withdraw everything, and keep it under the mattress...I know i'll be doing that with my 14 cents. Now that I'm a communications professional, I'll re-write this little e-mail for these jokers, cribbing from a classic of our youth...
______________________________________________________________
Dear Benjamin Russell,

I know you've seen some negative coverage about citibank. I'm here to tell you that you ain't got no problem. We're on the motherf**er. Go back in there, chill them boys out and wait for the FDIC, who should be coming directly.

Ridonculous...

2008-11-23T19:25:00.002+01:00

I lived in NYC for six and a half years. For over four of those years, I had a car. I parked that car outside, on the street, every day of its miserable existence in the city. I mean, i'm sure some homeless person probably lived in it. But that was pretty much the extent of the damage (though some jackassside-swiped my mirror off at one point)...Today. In front of my apartment. In freaking LAUSANNE 'WE HAVE NO CRIME' SWITZERLAND, some no-talent assclown fucking DESTROYED my driver's side window with what I can only assume was a bazooka. In the middle of the afternoon!! Can you BELIEVE that shit? Granted, I left an ipod sitting in there (yes, i know, not smart) but man, it's been in there for, like, a year and is an old crappy one...I just spent an hour at the police station. NOT an exercise in Swiss efficiency....

PAIN IN THE ASS!

In other news, rugby season in Swiss National League A ended. We had a good run, but due to many injuries, lost the last three games, one quite badly. THat's the one I played in. Coincidence? I think not...

More later.

The Great Hotel "Save the Planet, Asshole" Rip-Off

2008-11-11T17:26:00.003+01:00

Oh man. I've ABSOLUTELY had it with this nonsense. I'm in Rome right now for work at an unnamed big chain hotel.

It's a big-box conference center type of place, but that is not what concerns me. For the SECOND DAY in a row I've gotten some card on the bed that reads "Thank you, you make the difference - Upon your request we did not change your linen. Should you choose to have your linen changed tomorrow, please place the conserve card on your bed." There are so many things freaking wrong with this, man...

1. First of all, placing a 'conserve' card on the bed would imply that, in fact, you'd CONSERVE your sheets and the planet, and not want them changed.

2. I did place a card on my bed! And a note. That said "PLEASE CHANGE MY SHEETS". In perfect Italian. (Please-a change-a my sheetz-a. Grazie). Maybe my Italian is off...

3. This is some bullshit conspiracy nonsense, man. First they started with the towels. Now they are onto linen. It's goddamn nefarious is what it is. Ok, I agree it's a good thing to conserve our precious resources and stop sending rivers of soapy acid into our wetlands, maiming, like, little beavers and shit. I do. And I don't need my sheets changed every day (though it's nice). But this freaking 'program' or 'initiative' has NOTHING to do with the environment. The HOTEL saves money, time, and labor, yet gives you no discount. If, for example, they said 'oh, keep your sheets for 2-3 days, we'll knock 5% off of your bill', i'm DOWN with that. Hell, if they even DONATED 5% of my bill to Greenpeace or some other furry-animal saving hippies, i'd do it. I'd even feel GOOD about it. I'd be super down with saving some beached whales. But no. The hotel saves money, continues to charge you 280 billion euros a night, 6 euros for a coke (no shit, by the way), and laugh all the way to the bank because they've convinced their guests to save them work and effort. It's so brilliant, I almost respect it.

Anyway, tomorrow i'm going to take the sheets off the bed and put them in the bathtub because my handy-dandy card says 'your towels will be changed when placed in the bathtub'. I'm putting the whole bed in there if i can.

Sweet

2008-11-05T17:44:00.000+01:00

America. Hell yes.

Why Christopher Hitchens is a Writer and I'm a 'writer'...

2008-10-28T14:20:00.003+01:00

"This is what the Republican Party has done to us this year: It has placed within reach of the Oval Office a woman who is a religious fanatic and a proud, boastful ignoramus. Those who despise science and learning are not anti-elitist. They are morally and intellectually slothful people who are secretly envious of the educated and the cultured. "

Well-stated, Sir. I was just having a conversation the other day after hearing more and more about this Joe the Plumber (wicked nickname, by the way. I hope that dude at least gets to appear in a Little Caeser's ad and make a few bucks for this) and how Joe represents honest, hard-working, normal Americans as compared to 'the rest of us'. And it's true. He does represent a lot of people in the states. And that's cool. But it's not an 'us vs. them' situation. As I like to tell folks over here (who continually ask me if I support the war in Iraq, own a handgun, and like my women-folk barefoot, knocked up, and dumb -- (the answer is 'perhaps')), there are 300 MILLION of us...There is room for Joe the Plumber, Joe the Mechanic, Joe the Brain Surgeon, Joe the Professor, etc. etc...

I'm not really sure what I'm getting at here, but it's been bugging me lately. When people talk about 'real americans' (implying that if you, you know, went to college, have a white collar job, speak a foreign language and like wine you are some sissy nancy-boy), they seem to forget that America was FOUNDED on intellectualism. I have a news flash. You know the Constitution? It was written by a bunch of reasonably smart, well-educated, french-speaking, enlightenment-loving people. That's WHY IT FUCKING WORKS, DUDE!!

Anyway, whatever. I hate politics, so shall stop writing. Poorly :)

Turbo Hamster

2008-10-22T16:19:00.004+01:00

Usually I use this platform for serious pursuits. You know...waxing poetic on a variety of timely social, political, and economic issues. Today I shall abstain, because the turbo hamster has conquered my little black heart...

Pictures from Lis and Jeff in Paris

2008-10-19T09:08:00.005+01:00

Hey guys, it's been a crazy few weeks! Was traveling for work for two weeks, first to Istanbul and then to Beijing! Just back from China last nigth. It was a freaking scene, man. And to quote Unkie Noah quoting old lady Ann next door who was yelling at Phil one time in front of 152 Carroll Street.... 'There's CHINESE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE'. Crazy. Anyway, here are a few pics from our awesome visit with Lis and Jeff a few weeks ago! Good times, man. Remember, if you come visit, you too can have your picture on Ben's world famous (disclaimer -- actually not famous at all) blog.

You guys are f***ed

2008-09-27T13:55:00.002+01:00

And I don't mean because of the financial crises. Paco just sent me this clip a bit ago, and I think it's either a sign of the coming apocalypse, or that we're existing in some alternate reality. I know, i know, easy target and all that. But I'm with my man jack cafferty (who, FYI, was my hometown news anchor on channel four for my whole youth -- what what, jacky C) on this one...I swear.

Slightly Communist Sounding Rant...

2008-09-15T08:32:00.003+01:00

Awww...Financial firms don't like short selling. Poor babies. Aren't free markets a bitch?
Next time, try to figure out how it's a good idea (yes, I'm about to insanely simplify the sub-prime housing crisis, but whatevs) to support, indirectly or directly, loaning people MONEY who can't PAY IT BACK...

I know it's complicated. I certainly know I don't understand large swaths of what the hell exactly is going on. But I think (ed. note -- climbing on to high horse now...) that, fundamentally, this is all about as Econ 101 as can be...Everyone, buyers and sellers and the affiliated financial institutions all got a bit too greedy. I'm not being judgemental, i'm stating a fact. And people who bought 800K houses while making 50k a year? They hold some responsibility. And banks who are dumb enough (and I don't mean because they should be held accountable for peoples' bad decisions) to think that it's a long-term viable economic growth model to LEND MONEY to PEOPLE who DON'T HAVE ANY, well...Tough shit. I'd short the fuck out of these stocks, and I certainly wouldn't feel badly for doing it.

If the big boys don't like it, they should support decent regulation on these things. Yes, yes, I know, free market proponents... The market corrects itself. And I happen to agree with that. Which means there will be some casualties on each end of this process, including large financial institutions.

"At emergency meetings over the weekend, the heads of major financial institutions urged Timothy F. Geithner, the president of the New York Fed, and Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson Jr., to consider having the Securities and Exchange Commission reinstate a temporary rule to limit the risky but potentially lucrative practice of betting on a firm’s falling share price, according to two people who were briefed on, but did not attend, the meetings.
They are concerned that short sellers might fix their gaze on other big financial institutions. But Wall Street may be breathing easier after one company frequently mentioned, Merrill Lynch, began advanced talks on Sunday to sell itself, and another, the insurance giant American International Group, moved toward a restructuring in an effort to strengthen its financial position."

Michael Phelps' Diet

2008-08-20T12:16:00.002+01:00

Awesome. I must implement this posthaste...From a BBC article...

MICHAEL PHELPS' DIET
Breakfast: Three fried egg sandwiches; cheese; tomatoes; lettuce; fried onions; mayonnaise; three chocolate-chip pancakes; five-egg omelette; three sugar-coated slices of French toast; bowl of grits; two cups of coffee
Lunch: Half-kilogram (one pound) of enriched pasta; two large ham and cheese sandwiches with mayonnaise on white bread; energy drinks
Dinner: Half-kilogram of pasta, with carbonara sauce; large pizza; energy drinks

USA to Rest of World - You suck

2008-08-19T10:45:00.002+01:00

Melissa's Newest Book - Violet in Private

2008-08-06T09:29:00.003+01:00

I'd have to say the last year has been pretty good to me... But I certainly haven't published three books in one year, as Melissa has. Yesterday saw the launch of her third installment of our favorite teen-turned-model Violet Greenfield. And, on the off chance you missed the first two, check them out here, and here. And read them all, you slackers...They are books ABOUT HOT CHICKS... :)

word.

More Hiking Pics

2008-08-05T08:18:00.003+01:00

Hey dudes,

Stop me if you get bored (actually, I don't really care :) )...Headed up to the Berner Oberland last weekend for a few days of hiking. And no, I'm not on some health kick or anything. Trust me, after you climb up 1360 meters (4200 + feet in a day) you really earn that big-ass beer and cigarette. Balance, people...It's all about balance...

I've got nothing else witty to report, as all the newstands in Switzerland are closed and I can't find a newspaper. Yeah, yeah, I read it online, but that's a bunch of nonsense :) If i can't holds it, i don't likes to readz it. Oh, wait... That old chick from "The Golden Girls" apparently died... Damn.

1. Ben and Dave and, like, some big-ass glacier in the background....

2. Ben and Dave and a stubborn, yet quite large, bovine. She was in the way...

Happy Swiss Independence Day

2008-08-01T14:54:00.006+01:00

Alright, alright, dudes. I know I haven't posted in a while. Work, travel, beers...you know how it goes :). So let's back up a bit and cover off on a few things, especially as I have the day off today for Swiss National Day. Whoo-hoo!

1. I got my scooter license. Absurd that you need one, but now I have it. And for those of you, and you know who you are, who are convinced I'm some America-bashing eurotrash asshole, I just want to point out the helmet I have recently procured...I shit you not. I rock it out, man. People are like, 'dude, is that a joke', and my actual response is usually "America...fuck yeah".

2. Had a great two day hike a few weeks ago over the Col D'Anderets. Not too easy, not too hard, and with a big-ass fondue at the end of Day 1. Sweet.

3. And momma russell, unlike you bastards, actually visited us for a week over here. Good times here, and then ducked down to barcelona for two days where, for the first time, Andrea and I realized that there is a whole side of the city that exists before 2pm. Including, like, you know...cultural stuff. Or something. Picasso museum was totally overrated. My fault for not doing my research, because it was all early stuff (interesting) and late stuff (interesting) but not the, you know, AWESOME CRAZY SHIT between 1917-1960. I like the Miro foundation a bit better. That is, if you're into Miro...DId the usual Gaudi sites as well, and found some time for a nice, long 3 hour lunch by the water. Barcelona. Dig it.

Anyway, not much else to report from here. We'll be catching up with Lis and Jeff in Paris in September, which is gonna be awesome, and A and I are heading for Sardignia in a few weeks for a much-needed week of doing f-all on the beach. Sweet. Keep it real. YR out...

The Genius of Lil' Wayne

2008-06-02T13:19:00.003+01:00

From Lil' Russ, who is keeping it real in FL...

"And remember what Lil' Wayne said: 'I'm never afraid to die, 'cause I could walk out this bitch and a lamp could fall on my head. A mosquito could bite me! So I don't be tripping. I be pouring it up.'"

Hells. Yes. Don't like the music, but love the philosophy...

3 sure-fire signs the world is about to end...

2008-05-27T21:38:00.003+01:00

1. Yesterday while driving I was stopped at a light and witnessed the Britney Spears-like example of a woman (albeit much older than Britney) driving a car, chatting away on her cellphone, and smoking a cigarette, while the woman in the passenger seat, who I could only assume was her adult daughter, holding a freaking BABY ON HER LAP. Damn.

2. The ever fun and foreigner-hating UDC has a new poster plastered all over Switzerland. On the lower left of the page. Fucking hell, man!

3. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Sucking My Ass was so bad I wanted both my time and money back. I wanted, like, 3 free movies for that debacle. Damn. I made up for it by watching Control which was awesome. Though watching depressing movies about depressing music (though wickedly good) and really depressed artsy people can be a bit heavy on a Sunday night.

Peace out...

Cows, Facebook, Mallorca, and Me...

2008-05-18T18:52:00.015+01:00

Ok. I've been a bit lazy on the blogging front, I admit, so let's do a quick-hit round-up of the last month or so. I'll see if I can get it all in...

1. Our rugby team won the league on Saturday. Whoo-hoo. Fantastic match, beat our arch rival in a must-win situation. Alas, I was not IN the game as I separated my shoulder when running into a large Fribourgian bastard at speed a few weeks ago. I have nothing so cool as a sling because it wasn't that awful, but just bad enough that I'm done for the season most likely. We have the playoffs coming up, though, to go up to League A, so we'll see if I'm good to go for that.

2. I have removed myself with extreme prejudice from facebook. I swear to god, if i got one more retarded-ass request as to whether I am hot (and i am, obviously), i was gonna snap. Here's all you need to know about me. I'm awesome. Full. Fucking. Stop. And yes, i know you can change the settings, blah blah blah. Point is, i ain't there anymore, so you'll just have to get in touch with me the old fashioned way. It's not that i don't love you all. I do. But I think I don't need to know that any of you have updated his/her status to 'taking a pooh...'

3. It's been a pretty good travel month. In addition to hitting paris for a weekend about a month ago, we spent some time a few weeks ago in Mallorca. Which was amazing, FYI. We stayed here, which was actually even more awesome than it looks on the website... Anyway, can't recommend it highly enough, so if you're in the neighborhood, keep it in mind.

4. I finally finally finally got to see some goddamn cows fighting! Amazing! I loved every second of it. Especially when two tons of prime rib started bashing each other in the noggin...Exciting!

Ok, random melange of pics below...And yes, i miss facebook for photos, but c'est la vie.

From the top, please...
1. Is there anything worse than an American in Paris? I think not...
2. We were suckered into believing this pile of shit in Palma. the WORST Irish Coffee i've ever had...And I think Irish Coffee should be mandated on a daily basis...
3. Andrea, me, some rocks, Palma..Dig it.
4. Some fucking cows finally goddamn fighting...
5. View from terrace in Mallorca
6. Street view, Palma.
7. Mmmm...Eating at "Breakfast in America". See item one...

And a little clip below of my imitation of a fighting cow...

The All Blacks We Are Not...

2008-04-07T14:40:00.002+01:00

But we still kicked the shit out of Fribourg on Saturday...We rock.

La Policia

2008-03-13T09:35:00.002+01:00

Dude. You know you are too old when the police bust all the punk kids around you...but not you. Good thing? I'm not so sure...

Situation? Barcelona, two weekends ago. Andrea and I are sitting on the steps of a big plaza having a beer and just people watching. Ton of people hanging around, chilling out, etc. Phil/katie, think back to Roma a few years ago. Same kind of vibe. All of a sudden one of these fuckers rolls up, screeches to a halt, like, 2 feet in front of us, and two jackbooted spanish cops rush out of the van and, literally, start fucking everyone's shit up. That is the only way to put it, man. It happened so fast that it was like watching a movie. This big freaky cop, yelling who knows what, RUNS up to these people sitting three feet to our left and proceeds to KICK all their beers over, then STOMP on their beers, and then kick the people. It was so fast, and so violent that we were both just kind of stunned! This group left, obviously. His partner did the same up and down the steps. These cops cleared out a whole plaza of people (there must have been at least 50-60) in about 40 seconds. Except us!! They never even LOOKED at us! I was like, 'we have some amazing magical power whereby we are invisible to angry spanish cops!' That was proven incorrect when I was like, 'buenos noches, senior cerdo and he bit my ear off...Kidding, i'm kidding. Anyway, we watched the carnage, finished our drinks and meandered on, feeling a bit confused. I'm glad we weren't attacked by deranged spanish cops...but another part of us...well...you know. We felt left out :)

Andrea later found out the reason for this insanity. Barcelona is trying to outlaw drinking outside. Brilliant. Take a really vibrant, fun, awesome city and start putting insanely stupid rules everywhere...See example A (New York).

Ben in Fresh Pow-Pow.com

2008-02-03T22:11:00.000+01:00

Ok. My camera is shit, and the shutter was half closed, but hey. you get the idea. fresh pow on saturday...

Now THIS is a football quote...From ESPN.com

2008-01-29T22:19:00.000+01:00

Shocking statement

January 29, 2008 1:35 PM

Turns out not everyone on the Patriots' offensive line has been able to grow a beard. Right tackle Nick Kaczur, who has more of a bushy goatee, was asked about his two clean-shaven linemates.

"Those guys are still waiting for their balls to drop," said Kaczur.

Told of Kaczur's comment, clean-shaven guard Russ Hochstein said, "For some of these guys it's an artform. I tried as hard as I could, but it didn't come in well. My chin's fine but I really struggled on the sides."

__________

This is how I expect NFL players to talk. antiques. jesus..

Newsflash!

2008-01-28T21:25:00.000+01:00

Eli Manning liked to go antique shopping with his mom. And before anyone jumps all over me for being a macho/sexist asshole, I'm sorry. It's SUPERBOWL WEEK. I want to hear about how when Eli was a kid, he used to shoot payton in the balls with a red ryder pellet gun, or, like, ate squirrels or some CRAZY shit like that. Something MEAN, dude. MEAN. You can be sensitive the other 51 weeks a year. For real. It's nice the boy loves his mama. I like my moms too. Shit, i've even gone antique shopping with my mom. So I'm DOWN with Eli in principle, but i'm not a GODDAMN NFL QUARTERBACK in the most violent, aggressive game in the world. You're about to play play Mr. Tom "i'm cold as ice, most unstoppable QB in history, a record-breaking, sick-ass athlete, and, oh by the way, i'm banging Gisele the SUPER MODEL" Brady, you gotta step it up a bit. DAMN.

Fucking Sweet, dude...

2008-01-28T16:39:00.000+01:00

I love it. LOVE IT. Why were the only people Smoky Bear could get in 1985 to do public service announcements to tell people to stop burning down our forests are, like, the biggest stoners in the world?? Stoners are KNOWN for setting things on fire by accident, not least of all themselves (which is funny, dude).

Note the extremely un-subtle choice of the Dead tune "Fire on the Mountain" playing in the background while Mickey Hart is rambling on about how 'little fires cause big fires and then the flowers and little animals disappear' and shit...This is so brilliant. I don't know whether this makes me want to punch hippies, or go roll a giant doobie and listen to "Scarlet Begonias". But the problem with the latter is that then I'll fall asleep during Jerry's killer solo from that wicked '76 boot of Dark Star from Red Rocks, and i'll not only immolate myself, but fucking burn my flat down, and half of lausanne with it, thus violating the whole POINT of Smokey Bear and PSAs all at once...Cosmic, no? Hippies! DAMN!

I decided to shave my beard...Here is a Picture.

2008-01-22T11:47:00.000+01:00

Dude...DUDE. This site is so awesome. I wish I spoke German. Please, for the love of god, listen to the MP3s on this guy's page. He may be the coolest guy ever. I want to hire this guy to play at my next party...

This is Amazingly Lame...

2008-01-14T10:52:00.000+01:00

As some of you know, there used to be this 'battle' as to what was cooler, skiing or snowboarding. It's all pretty irrelevent, 'cause as we all know, snowboarding is for degenerate mongoloids, but I digress. I mean, I guess I could understand back in the 80's when skiiers looked like this babe that you wouldn't want to be associated with the sport. I think i may still have some neon pink goggles somewhere. I know Phil sure does. Keep rocking out on that shit, man... But yes, goofy clothes, goofy skis and rear-entry boots. TOTALLY uncool. But that has all changed in the last decade where skis have taken leaps and bounds over their retarded cousin, the snowboard. First came shaped skis, then freestyle skis, and of course my favorite, big fat off-piste monster skis. The point is, skiing is much cooler, and has evolved tremendsouly. Snowboarding has not. You get more air on skis when you want it, pull way cooler tricks, you don't have to sit in the snow everywhere, and you are far more mobile to go where you like. Case in point. Was riding the tram to the top of Mt. Fort on Saturday. Tons of fresh powder. Not one snowboarder because it was necessary to hike a bit and snowboarders are lazy stoners, as a rule of thumb. Not all of you, but most...

Anyway, I'm finally winnning the war with my snowboarding friends who can't fully be blamed for thinking skiing is uncool because, for a time, it was. And the point of this whole post is really to point your attention to this asshole who, besides being a total dickhead retard, has just set my cause back, like 10 years. I mean, seriously. What is this? 1995? I don't think i've ever seen something just so completely, and entirely, outdated. My god...

Can THIS guy be the next president?

2008-01-08T23:15:00.000+01:00

Sarkozy. C'mon. Isn't this quote better than all the bullshit coming out of candidate's mouths about how they'll fix everything and make everyone happy?

“Really, truly, and it is very satisfying for me, France is moving forward,” he said, his words tumbling out in incomplete sentences. “What was hidden under a mantle of secrecy for one of my predecessors — whom I will not judge — everyone must live as he sees fit. Life is so difficult and so painful.”

Life is so difficult and painful. I fucking love it!! Can you IMAGINE GWB saying 'life is so difficult and painful' at a NEWS CONFERENCE? This guy is off his head! I love it!

Play every hand...

2007-12-27T15:12:00.000+01:00

Today on the cruise ship they are doing a breast cancer walk (Susan Koman) foundation. Anyway, playing poker last night, finally doing pretty well, and a gent brings up that there is this walk for cancer on the ship, and asks if we are participating. To my right is a guy who has been there, literally, every single session i've been in on. He's maybe late forties, plays every hand (i'm not kidding). Every. Single. Hand. At least till the turn (fourth card, which is quite long for every hand). His wife stops by occasionally to bring him food and to check on him. She asks him a lot if he's ok. She's also is really affectionate with him, unlike the other wives/girlfriends/mothers (YR's case) who swing by to berate the menfolk for a) spending all of their time playing poker, b) being late for dinner, c) generally being bastards, or d) all of the above.

I wonder if something is wrong. maybe he doesn't feel well and she is concerned, but he seems fine. But she pops in at least once a session, and has for the last few days, so i figure it's just the way she is. But when the other guy mentions the cancer walk last night, gent to my right says 'I have brain cancer'. Diagnosed three months ago. Just finished radiation, got on the ship, and is then back for chemo. Prognosis is pretty shitty, as you might imagine. Let's be honest here. This guy is probably going to die. Soon. And he knows it. His wife knows it. And watching his wife, and imagining what this must be like, and seeing her concern and love up front like that...Dunno, man...there aren't too many times in life when you get a reality check like that.

I have no real point here, other than that it stuck with me. People get, and die from, cancer every day. It's not even that unique, sadly, as every single person reading this knows from firsthand experience. But, and at the risk of being overly profound/metaphorical/cliched (though cliches exist for a reason). Life is too goddamn short. Fuck it. Play all your hands, man. Always. Play them all, enjoy it till the money runs out, and just fucking go for it. Always. Hesitation is overrated. Conservative play is overrated. A job is a job. A flat is a flat. They mean not much in the scheme of things. You can't take it with you, so play all your hands, and give someone a big smooch today, as if it were the last chance you'd have to do it ;)

YR out.

Merry X-Mas!

2007-12-25T20:41:00.000+01:00

Merry Christmas, 'yatches. Blogging at you from lovely St. Thomas. I'll keep it short because Holland America Cruise Lines (read freaky dutch bastards) like to charge, like, 8000 bucks a minute for internet access. Quite a racket they've got going. So i'll give you the quick-hit highlights of the voyage, with pictures to follow, once back on land.

Day 1, Saturday. Ship sails from Ft. Lauderdale. Annoying caribbean steel drum band begins to play 'hot hot hot' and old people from iowa start dancing and, like, doing the macarana and shit. Eyes roll. YR retires to casino. Promptly loses all his money.

Day 2, Sunday. Ship docks in half moon cay. All the people go to the roped off beach. YR and YYR kick it up a notch, hike out three miles, cut across some rocks, find awesome lagoon all to ourselves, and chill. Little christmas eve adventure. Promptly lose more money at casino (damn 3/6 hold 'em). anyone who plays knows what i'm talking about. Ever lose TWICE on trips in no limit? Didn't think so. jesus. Some jackass TWICE caught the river. you can't push people around in 3/6. damn. DAMN. DAMN!

Day 3, Monday. fell asleep in sun. Whoops. Beers. mmm.. more food. I can literally feel myself getting fatter after all the good work i've done in the last four months. Attempt gym. instead watch 'live free or die hard'. why not?

Day 4. Today. St. Thomas. Hoards go shopping. All shops look the same. YR rents motor scooter of death. Drives up death mountain roads (on wrong side, isn't that weird in the UNITED STATES Virgin islands). Raining at times. I rock. Fuck it.

And a little side note. New homeland security regs require, when docking at St. Thomas, that you all go down at SEVEN THIRTY in the morning to give passports. Even if you aren't getting off the goddamn ship. So merry fucking christmas, go get anally probed. Holy shit, i was like, 'um. dude...this is an AMERICAN passport. we are IN AMERICA (at least by my understanding of what a territory is)...this sucks. Ben was crabby...

Ok, well, not much else to report here. The sun has fried my brain. Off to the pool. see you all later, and hope santa was good to you. laters.

I can no longer remain silent

2007-12-19T10:35:00.000+01:00

Yeah, man, slow few weeks over here at Ben in Switzerland (soon to be Ben on a large boat with his family for 7 days: i'll blog THAT crazy shit for certain)...End of year, lots of things to wrap up, late nights enjoying the christmas cheer with too little sleep = no blogging. But this. This I can not ignore. I hereby declare that this is the most offensive article I have ever read in my entire life. This is not hyperbole. This is fact. If i saw any of these people on the street, I think I would be justified in homiciding them to death...Then i'd have to hire one of these jokers below...

Point:
"Then came private equity investors and hedge funders, and lawyers nose-dived on the socioeconomic ladder. "Face it, we have no status," says an Am Law 100 partner of the pecking order at his sons' private school. "We go to these school functions, and this well-heeled group looks right through you. They won't give you the time of day. You're just one step ahead of the doorman."

YR Counterpoint.
"Jesus H. Christ. Fuck you."

Point:
"Real estate causes a great deal of angst in these rarefied precincts. "Our cost of living goes up because of these people," says a fifth-year associate about the hedge fund crowd. "Wall Streeters are buying up the pre-eminent prewar apartments on the Upper East Side," gripes a partner who lives on New York's Upper West Side. What about the newly gentrifying areas of lower Manhattan or Brooklyn? Get real. "It's bullshit that partners are living all over the city by choice," he says."

YR Counterpoint:
"Jesus H. Christ. Go fuck yourself."

And look, peoples. To quote John Cusack in "High Fidelity", I'm no class warrior. Money is a-ok by me, man. But shit, man. People complaining about 600k in salary? That is so fucked on so many levels. I love NY, but it's stuff like this that makes me hate it too. The worst part is that it's true. Lawyers really do feel screwed by this. Imagine.

Escalator Etiquette

2007-11-29T11:22:00.001+01:00

Yo. So. PM recently relocated to our awesome new giant-ass building in Lausanne. Which has been great on many levels, including having great restaurants and also a gym, etc. Yes, you should be jealous. However, there is a massive cultural misunderstanding involving getting around the building. There are numerous escalators, as the building was constructed into a large hillside. I don't know what it is, man. Euros DO NOT WALK EITHER UP OR DOWN ESCALATORS. they STAND there. IN THE MIDDLE! I almost had a freaking brain aneurysm the other day trying to get from the highest point in the building to the lowest. It took me, i shit you not, about 5 extra minutes from standing. As new yorker, I'm even MORE incensed by this behavior. I may post signs. Thus enduth my rant for the day...

Proper Scrum

2007-11-26T10:50:00.001+01:00

Scrum against CERN last weekend. Can't see me, but i'm in the middle of the front row.

Thursday Musings

2007-11-22T14:49:00.000+01:00

1. Happy Thanksgiving. I hate you all. It is raining here, and I'm at work. 'nuff said.

2. If you guys don't update your blogs, I'm going to a) de-link them and b) take mine down. Step it up.

3. Hell of a rugby game last saturday. My camera broke but two friends managed a few pictures. They are up somewhere on facebook. i'll get 'em, but nothing too exciting. Good news is I survived 80 mins at hooker, didn't disfigure myself on the surface, had a few nice runs, and stole a couple of hooks off the other guys. I think i have finally convinced the coach that I can hook far better than I can prop. Bad news is we lost a nail-biter. It was a slugfest, man. Closest analogy of the type of game it was would be to, say, pit the steelers against the ravens. No big runs, just grind it out rugby with good defense. We played hard, but just got beaten by a better team. And battered. We carry 7 subs. Used all of them for injuries. So did they, though. I now know what it feels like to be sacked by a defensive lineman as I was (illegally, i might add, as you can't come around a ruck (offsides)) blindsided in the upper ribs by a deranged englishman. x-rays await me tomorrow...

Highlight of the game for me was when the same lunatic who sacked me thought he'd get cute (and illegal again) and play the ball on the ground (in another ruck) called me a 'fucking gobshite' after i 'accidentally' stepped on his hand to get him off the ball. So i calmly looked down at him (he was immobile, being under a large pile o' people) and said 'what's a gobshite, dude?' gotta love the English.

Bands I Hate

2007-11-19T15:21:00.000+01:00

Dude. Seriously? I hate The Eagles. Always have, always will. I'm sorry. I'm not saying YOU can't like them, but everytime I hear this lame-ass 'music by numbers' (and I'm sorry, that's what it's been since its inception), it makes me want to scream.

And man, i like plenty of mainstream pop bands from the 70s, so this isn't some, like, anti-seventies thing. I like WINGS, dude. But these guys...Man, they churn my butter...

In actual writing...

2007-11-16T11:14:00.000+01:00

Woo-hoo.

It's not gay...it's for charity

2007-11-15T09:36:00.001+01:00

Thank god I was in New York when the guys put this together...

Speaking of rugby, last game this weekend against CERN. Yes, that CERN, home of the LHC. I'm pretty sure that fucker runs right under the rugby pitch. In any case, if you think a bunch of nuclear scientists are pussies, you'd be dead wrong. These fuckers are violent, big, fast, and currently only 2 points behind us in the Swiss League B standings. I mean, they are NUCLEAR PHYSICISTS. I think they can, like, figure out the exact right angle at which to hit your knee so that your BRAIN explodes. They're GENIUSES, man....

Anyway, this is a winner take all game for first place. Oh. And YR is getting the start at No. 2 (otherwise known as my proper position of hooker). 80 minutes of rugby. Shudder. Wish us luck.

I am a Winter Driving God

2007-11-12T11:13:00.000+01:00

Dude. DUDE...Swiss people check the weather a LOT. Kind of like Luddy. I mean, they really take it seriously. Now I know why. I'm usually quite a well-prepared boy for all sorts of eventualities. The one time I'm not caused quite a little adventure up on a gnarly little mountain road to Leukerbad. Rain in Lausanne usually means nothing in the Valais, as there is a huge variety of climates here. In any case, on Saturday, rain in Lausanne meant DEATH BLIZZARD on this windy, switch-back laden mountain road. Well, I'm driving a subaru, thought I. But I have not yet switched off the summer tires. This was a deadly mistake. Anyhoo, four-wheel drive didn't mean shit in this nonsense. Finally lost all traction, slid backwards down said gnarly mountain road for about 20-30 feet, and then paused to consider options, including, but not limited to, just crawling into a snowbank to die. But ah-hah. Russell is not TOTALLY unprepared! He takes advantage of the fact that he has been lazy and NOT cleaned his car since the winter and voila! two crisp, mint, still-in-package tire chains are awaiting in the back. Now if only he can get them on. YR is not very mechanically-inclined (i can't even assemble Ikea furniture without a slide rule and a mission statement). So in steps a Real Live Swiss Person (Miss Andrea) who has experience in such things to save the day. I decided that the best approach for me was to shout encouraging things like, 'nice!' and 'sweet!'. I think we made a good team. Then we actually helped someone else put on HER chains (YR now had the general idea) and we made our way the last 8 miles or so in first gear in my little red ninja car. Exciting stuff.

Moral of the story (and I think i mentioned this last year). Be prepared for the winter, boys and girls. It can sneak up on you.

smooches.

Just in Time for the Holidays

2007-11-09T09:37:00.000+01:00

Only, like, 30 shopping days left in the States! Go to the mall! Wait, oh shit...Don't go to the mall, Al Qaeda is trying to fuck your shit up! What are you gonna do? How are you going to get your shopping done? Do you have your little Al Qaeda kit with you? I know, just get gas masks for the whole family, bomb suits, and be on your way to the MOA with a big happy smile on your faces.

fuck. me.

hee-hee...

2007-11-05T21:05:00.001+01:00

My Beautiful Face

2007-11-04T22:47:00.000+01:00

I've been mangled, dude. Some neolithic monster from La Chaux de Fonds decided to smash my face with his elbow or his knee when I was tackling him yesterday in our rugby match.
Truth be told, not 100% sure WHAT body part he hit me with, but those seem to be the two most likely culprits. The good news is that we won the game. The bad news is that I have a black eye that will make work relatively interesting, and i was minorly cuncussed. Hence my poor grammar/spelling. The eye is also making little children scream...But here are a couple of pictures from the day. :) Forgive the photo quality; it's not the photographer, it's the bloody POS camera I'm still using. Next up? Canon A 6 whatever it's called. I'll get you all a proper photo to show you the eye in all its glory...

(Above) Russell in the Lineout. Check out the Sexy Legs

Russell in Motion...Where is ball? FIND BALL!!

So that's what the apres game beer is for...And Andrea is actually holding me up here... :)

Kucinich...Wow.

2007-10-31T10:21:00.000+01:00

I know that I'm a bit late to this party, but I am seriously thinking of voting (if I vote at all, and if I don't, I don't want a goddamn lecture about it though I've been known in the past for GIVING those types of lectures, as well as being known for run-on sentences) for Mr. Kucinich. In addition to basically calling the president a retard, his wife is a hot foreign babe, which always plays well with us expats, man. PLUS she's only THIRTY and he's 61! And he's like a midget or some shit, and she's probably 6 feet tall. So the fact that this goofy little bastard from CLEVELAND of all places (colloquially known, for all my foreign readers, as "The Mistake by the Lake") is out there calling the president names, running on a decent platform (or, as decent as it can be in this ridiculous election), living a VEGAN lifestyle, AND somehow pulling a hot foreign babe (yeah, i linked it again. Sue me) over thirty years younger? Rock star, man. Absolute rock star.

Boston Sucks

2007-10-29T14:52:00.000+01:00

You know...I'm a bit pissed off right now. Boston, that shithole, seems to be the center of the sporting world these days, and it should be making any self-respecting New Yorker goddamn cringe. Sox win, Pats look unstoppable, and hell. Even BC (though I have some loyalty there) beat whoever it is they beat last week. Virginia? Whatever. Like I gives a shit. But more obnoxious than all this is how much everyone is literally down on their knees blowing the Patriots. Everyone is in awe. This is some SERIOUS bullshit (not because the Pats aren't AMAZING which I called 12 seconds into week one,but what happened to some competition? I am also not a PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL PLAYER). Most egregious are current players who talk about the Pats in an awestruck manner. Case in point...

My fantasy 'starter' Carson Palmer was quoted in CNNSI as saying:

"Peyton and Tom will play like the best two quarterbacks in football, which they obviously are. They'll throw checkdown after checkdown as long as they have to, then find a ball they can hit deep. That's why they're so great -- they don't force what's not there. They won't change in this game. It'll be a playoff atmosphere, but neither of them will be nervous or tight. No jitters. You won't see Tom go 8 of 23 with three picks. Or Peyton. They both rise to the occasion so well ..."

I know there is something to be said for professional courtesy and all that shit, but seriously, Carson. If someone asked me? I'd be like, 'fuck all those bitches. They can suck my left nut. I am the best goddamn quarterback in the world. I have Ocho-Cinque on my team, and that fucker makes Randy Moss look like a ambulatory retard. Tom Brady, that model-screwing pretty boy can barely even tie his shoelaces. Peyton Manning is a cross-dressing nancy boy." I mean, DAMN, dude!

The Decline and Fall of Manliness As We Know It.

2007-10-26T10:08:00.000+01:00

I don't even have anything witty to say about this. I am in shock. How do you let yourself be interviewed for an article like this? What were the questions like? "So. When did you lose your testicles and become a big whiny pansy?" I'm gonna round all these idiots up and start a fight club with them...

And let me be perfectly clear...I am a suburban-raised, central air-conditioning loving, DVR-using, wine-drinking, cigarette-smoking member of the genus/species Homo Indoorus...Having said that, even we have our limits...goddam... Nature is our friend. Enjoy it. If you are so scared of the dark, don't live in the woods, you big freaks!

Holy Jesus

2007-10-23T09:53:00.000+01:00

Yes, let's ignore the fact that I haven't posted in a month. It's not my fault. You NY assholes wrecked me good and proper and I haven't been able to have one creative thought in the last few weeks. So rather than give an update of the last month, let's just jump right back into the wild and wacky world of Ben in Switzerland.

1. New job at PMI! Whoo-hoo. Exciting changes afoot.

2. Courtesy of 'lil russ...The most hilarious blog I've seen recently. Seriously. You will be poohing yourself (that is, if you follow baseball and get all this stuff).

3. There is a giant raven sitting outside my window right now staring at me. I'm not sure, but I think this, like, is an omen of death or something. Damn.

4. It is freezing here. As in hovering around 32 degrees and windy. It's snowing at times above 3000 feet. Sweet, dude. So while all you idiots are at "Breckenridge" this winter being lame, you are gonna miss some gnarly Alps pow skiing with yours truly. All invites to YR's wicked-ass chalet are hence revoked as punishment for your traitorous ways (and you know who you are..). I'm now accepting business cases for new, cooler friends. Gifts and bribes are happily accepted

5. I'd post some pictures from NY but we took...3. One was of a Subway. Not THE subway..A subway sandwich shop. Why? I don't know, man. It seemed funny at the time.

6. More witty posts to follow, I promise. It's been a slow few weeks.

later.

The New York Times is Reading My Blog

2007-10-08T12:17:00.000+01:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/08/world/europe/08swiss.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

Dude, why are they always so behind the times? Hahahaha. I rock. I'm a trendsetter baby...

Monday Morning Cranky Thoughts

2007-10-01T08:52:00.000+01:00

1. The Mets blow.

2. The Giants D finally wakes up and sacks McNabb TWELVE times. Luddy, how you like them apples? hahahaha. I HATE Philadelphia (see item 1).

3. Actually, there really is a special place in my heart reserved for hatred of all things Philly. What a hellhole. I especially hate the goddamn phillies... I hope they lose in 3. The only decent thing about philly is the cheesesteak. Which is amazing. But it's not good when that is the only slightly acceptable thing about your town...The list could go on here, but I will cut the rant short, well aware that I am sleep deprived, and most likely still hung over after the local wine fest this weekend.

4. USA Rugby gets destroyed by the Springboks. Well, no surprise there. Maybe next time...

5. Stop showing football games at 8:15 EST on Sunday nights. Seriously. It's un-american. There are two times for games: 1 and 4:15. Both allow you actually enjoy your evening (dinner, etc.) but the 8:15 game? It just wrecks you. Plus, obviously, i can't stay up to watch them. Change it, powers that be.

Laters.

Citizenship Test

2007-09-28T11:14:00.001+01:00

From the news wires...

Some of these questions are not easy. I guess if you knew what to study, they'd be easy, but I bet most people don't know the answer to some of these...

And dude...I like video games. I like playing them (though i'm not a hard-core gamer). I like reading Jason's blog posts on video games, which are always interesting and insightful. But this quote below is a bit much, I think...

“This is the Mecca of the video game world right here, right now,” Carl Gunther, a 23-year-old marketing researcher from Brooklyn, said Monday night as he joined hundreds of other fans in a long line outside a Best Buy in Midtown Manhattan.
“Halo is the ‘Star Wars’ of this generation,” Mr. Gunther added. “Thirty years ago my father waited in line to see ‘Star Wars,’ and I know I’ll tell my kids I stood in line to buy Halo 3. It’s like saying you were at Woodstock or something.”

Carl, let me give you a piece of advice for your future parenting responsibilities. Telling your kids you waited in line to buy Halo 3 will only confirm to them that their dad is a total loser. I advise against it. And while it is an awesome video game, and the release is clearly an event, I'm not sure it occupies the same level in the pantheon of major american cultural events as Woodstock. Jebus...

4 and 0, baby

2007-09-23T16:13:00.000+01:00

Stade Lausanne improved our record to 4-0 in a 20-5 victory over RC Fribourg yesterday afternoon at Fribourg. After dealing with the hairy neuchatel brutes, the Fribourgians didn't really give us too much trouble, and our pack dominated the whole game. And, thankfully, I'm not in as much pain. 40 minutes playing time at prop and hooker. Nothing really of note from my end. A few tackles, a couple of Russell runs, and some decent lineouts. The good news is that I'm settling back into it. Doesn't hurt to play on a really talented team either. Pictures to follow one of these days...

Watching the All Blacks beat the hell out of Scotland. It's too bad...The Scots aren't playing terribly, they are just outmatched. Watch NZ's pack if you want to see the best front 8 in the world. They only outweigh the Scottish forwards by about 100 pounds, but they are just manhandling them...bummer.

France's game on friday against Ireland was a bit of a surprise, namely because the French looked great. I think they are a sleeper candidate for the cup, if they can keep this up.

laters.

Wowsers

2007-09-21T10:49:00.000+01:00

Who says the french are nancies? This fucker certainly isn't. He looks as if he's descended from some psycho gallic chieftan...6'4", and 257 lbs. Maybe the giants can draft him at linebacker or something...

Riots!!

2007-09-20T16:17:00.000+01:00

Damn. I can't believe I missed this...

Also, here is one of the new anti-UDC logos...

Dude...

2007-09-19T10:07:00.000+01:00

I got this flyer in my mailbox a few weeks ago. UDC (Swiss Peoples' Party). Not a small political party (I believe they have about 22% of the legislature)...The head of this group also rotates the presidency with the five other council members. The poster isn't too subtle, is it....

The Swiss are going bonkers over the fact that this thing has been pasted all over the country. Well, i guess it depends where...The lausannois are going bonkers, and all sorts of protest posters are popping up. Will find one and post it here.

Football and Rugby thoughts...

2007-09-18T12:49:00.000+01:00

I'm sorry. The giants are going to continue to suck every year if their secondary can't get their heads out of their respective asses...My god, man. Everyone is talking about how 'great' farve was... Bullshit. I reckon that a decent high school quarterback could have shredded the jints' secondary on sunday. I swear to god, it almost became a joke with that poor outmatched bastard RW McQuarters (though kudos for a badass name). Which of the following was said, more or less, at least one time during Sunday's game...

Fill in the blank:

And RW McQuarters....

A) Misses the tackle;
B) Gets burned by a WR;
C) Is out of position;
D) Is called for PI; or
E) All of the above...

What sucks so much is that in the offense-obsessed age, we worry far too much about the QB/RB/WR. Anyone playing at the NFL level in those positions should be just fine (exception: Rex Grossman). In fact, some of the premier RBs today were either backups or second thoughts (hello, Joseph Addai) and do just fine. But if your goddamn secondary allows 30 plus points a game, you are in DEEP shit. Way too much time was spent working on Manning (who looks great). But it's wasted effort. Someone fire the coach, the DB coach, and...oh, i don't know...the whole secondary... jesus. Frustrating.
_________________________________________________________________
Rugby World Cup. Springboks (South Africa) look like the NE Patriots right now. They are unstoppable. Destroyed England handily on Friday evening. Made it look easy. I'm calling it now. SA/All Blacks final, SA wins by at least 10.

Local Rugby. My team went up against a large, hairy, and slightly neanderthalish Neuchatel side on Saturday and won in a ridiculous fashion. Down 14-3 with five minutes left. Final score? 15-14. Two tries (touchdowns) in five minutes by Stade Lausanne. Yours truly was subbed in at 19 minutes in for our injured prop. For those of you in the know, this is a position for big fat bastards. While not slender, I am not a big fat bastard of the prop variety (they tend to weigh between 220-240 lbs). Usually, I play hooker, which while also a front row position, is much less involved in pushing, and more involved with 'hooking' the ball from a set scrum piece. Here is what a scrum looks like. On saturday, i had the 'pleasure' of playing 60 minutes at number 3, otherwise known as the tighthead prop. And I am ridiculously small for this position. I am a sore, sore little monkey today, especially as i had to learning how to prop on the fly (i.e., with a bunch of aforementioned fatties from neuchatel trying to, i think, kill us and eat our hearts). So that was an experience, as I've never even practiced this position. However, while we lost many scrums, we also handily won a few, your truely helped set up the final try with a (dare i say it) lightfooted scamper of 10 yards, happily running over little tiny backs after dealing with fatties bashing me around all day. Two plays later, threw our boys over the line, whistle blew, and we left the field with a big win. 3-0 so far this season. Sweet.

Hmm...Sensationalism strikes again

2007-09-05T10:21:00.000+01:00

Dude. CNN is retarded. The headline for the below video was 'Whoopi defends Michael Vick'. This makes it sound like the woman was about to say killing dogs was A-fucking-OK, but Whoopi (jesus, writing that name is relatively difficult), contrary to the headline, provides very apt commentary and makes a solid point. No other media outlet has made this point, probably due to political correctness, but Whoopi is making an important cultural argument here, namely that dogfighting, in certain areas, may not be considered 'cruel' in the traditional sense. And, therefore, this helps understand a 'terrible' action. It's all about relativity, baby... And not at all what the stupid tagline implies.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/showbiz/2007/09/04/sot.whoopi.vick.comments.cnn

Oh, and Elisabeth Filarski (I hate you Tim Hasselbeck) is still super hot. Crazy republican agenda and all, I'll always have a soft spot for my little outback survivor... Insert morose sigh here...Maybe Amber is still available? No, damn it. I forgot. She married that mongo from Boston...

Rugby World Cup

2007-09-04T10:53:00.000+01:00

Support the yanks this weekend against mighty England, those tea-drinking, queen-worshipping, cockney bastards. In all liklihood, the USA Eagles, ranked 15th, will not beat England, 7th ranked for the RWC, but also the defendnig champion. Anyway, it's on at noon. Fox sports, i think. check it.

YR

Violet on the Runway

2007-09-04T08:20:00.001+01:00

Melissa's first book, Violet on the Runway, is out! Buy it here, or find a bookshop near you that carries it for all you "I don't shop at Barnes & Noble or Amazon because they keep the little guy down" hippies out there.

It is an awesome book. I read it before it was released (because I'm a VIP kind of dude and you are not) and enjoyed it tremendously. Melissa is a very talented writer, and she brings such a realistic spin to her characters. She doesn't fall into the trap of using typical 'teen' stereotypes that are very black and white, as many teen writers tend to do. There are no 'jocks' vs. 'nerds' in the stereotypical sense (though, as with any good story, there are underdogs, and people you hope get taken down a few notches), and the story isn't one of 'loser conquers all'...It is far more complex than that, which how teenager-hood really was. If you think back, we all had 'jock days' and 'nerd days'. Some days, you felt like you were on top of your game. Great friends, great fun, etc., and then the next week, you could feel like you were all alone. And Melissa captures all of that so well, especially the ever-important relationship between the two main characters, Violet and her best friend Roger. You feel you know these characters, and you are intrigued by them. They aren't merely a device to promote the storyline (i.e., girl moves to city becomes model). Too many best sellers these days have a plot that races along and is intriguing but where the character development is nil (e.g., anything by Dan Brown). Melissa's characters are the heart and soul of the story, and one could, and I hope Melissa does, put them in a variety of different situations and plot lines in future books, and you would still be interested in them.

Plus, if I say it's awesome, it usually is. I'm a tastemaker, baby.

Congrats, Melissa!!

YR

NY Cabbies Suck...

2007-09-03T12:50:00.000+01:00

So a bunch of NY cabbies are going to strike because they don't want to have to install GPS and don't want to deal with credit cards. Reasons given for being anti-GPS included the ever popular "i don't want people to be able to track me". Which is obviously total bullshit. My take on it is that cabbies don't want to accept that they don't know where anything IS! The sad news, ladies and gents, is that NY cabbies can't get ANYWHERE anymore outside of Manhattan. I've made earlier references to this fact, and I think installing GPS will be quite nice. It will also allow silly tourists to realize they are being ripped off if they head to Manhattan from JFK via Westchester. Adding credit card capabilities is mandatory. Just deal with it, for god's sake...

Why are NY cabbies so behind other cities? I was just in London this weekend, and the taxis there are, like, from the future. The whole thing is blue-toothed out, so the driver is way up front but you can talk to him without leaning forward and screaming "MANHATTAN BRIDGE, NOT BROOKLYN BRIDGE". And, of course, London cabbies don't need anything so pansyish as GPS. You know why? Because they have "The Knowledge". It's like "The Shining" but much more practical and far less reliant on elevators spurting blood and creepy little dead girls staring at you. Do not fuck around with London cabbies. They know where they are going better than you do, so sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

NY cabbies should have to have the knowledge too.

Whoa. Long Time No Post...

2007-08-28T13:19:00.001+01:00

Damn. Sorry. It's been an insane few weeks 'round here, mes amis! So let's do some quick-hit thoughts.

1. Blogger finally figures out how to upload video. Awesome. I can finally post all my homemade videos...Wait...I've said too much...

2. Heading back for french lessons next week. I'm in a rut. Well, it's a comfortable rut. I do what I wants...but still could be much better 'conversationally', though I have been recently told by two official (TM) swiss people that my accent is 'not 'orrible'. I choose to take that as a compliment. Don't burst my bubble, assholes.

3. This website is simutaneously the dorkiest AND coolest site I've seen in a while. I'm signing up for it. You should too. Though I really haven't gone many places besides the U.S. and Europe...Must go someplace else.

4. Ski flat (sorry, sue me APARTMENT) has been locked up. Ply me with with booze and maybe you'll get an invite. Your status for an invite goes up radically if you are a hot chick, though status will go down to zero if you are a goddamn hippie snowboarder, regardless of innate hotness.

5. Playing rugby again, nearly 10 years after the last time I played. My career came to a glorious end in 1998 after an even more out-of-shape fat bastard than myself fell on my ankle and tore it to shit. Since I'm in better shape now than I was back then, I thought, 'why not'? I'm proud to say that I'm not the slowest on the team. Or the dumbest. This bodes well. First game next week back at my old position of hooker. Pictures to follow.

5.1 Rugby has embraced padding. I like this trend. It used to be that if you wore a scrum cap or shoulder pads (the latter I had never even heard of until recently), you might as well also take the time to write 'I'm a giant nancy-boy' on the front of your jersey. Personally, i could have used some pads back then, and I'm glad they have them now. I'm too smart AND beautiful to have my head scrambled by some angry germanic motherfucker from the Swiss hinterland. And if guys who are about 1000x better/tougher than I wear them, I figure it's ok.

6. Got some travel coming up. Off to London for a one nighter this weekend, then to Sardinia for a few days (awesome, though I hear it's about 110 degrees), and then should be booking my NY trip in october. I will now humbly start accepting offers of beds. Just kidding, I'll be in a hotel. and no, ladies, you can't all hang out with me and party it up. I'm sorry.

laters.

YR

To rip off DMG yet again...

2007-08-09T21:52:00.000+01:00

You know what i hate? Sitting here at fucking JFK waiting for Jet Blue to 'find a plane' for us. I may lose it yet. Plus it's like a billion degrees in here. holy living shit, this sucks.

F***ing Moose...

2007-08-08T12:48:00.000+01:00

As if it's not bad enough that hitting a moose with your car will most likely kill you, now the moose are driving. Damn.

Swiss National Day: Not July 4th, but Close Enough

2007-07-31T14:10:00.000+01:00

While all you people were drinking beers and relaxing on July 4, I was working. Well, payback sucks. I get the day off work tomorrow for Swiss National Day. Whoo-hoo. And while it can never be the same, there are some nice similarities with July 4, all of them awesome.

1. Celebrating revolt and eventual independence from autocratic assholes (at least in 1291, that is)? Check.

2. Beers? Check.

3. Grilling? Super duper check. The supermarkets are carrying nothing right now except animals that you can char one way or another on an outdoor cooking surface

4. Pyrotechnics? F**K YEAH!. NOT only are there big fireworks displays (not Macy's but none too shabby) you can BUY GODDAMN FIREWORKS!! This was banned last year because the ground was too dry. Not this year.

To beer-drinking, meat-eating, fireworks-launching holidays. Word.

From the "Depressing Ads" department

2007-07-30T16:24:00.000+01:00

The below ad is for Hornbach, which is the equivalent of, as you might have surmised, a Home Depot. This poor bastard looks like he'd rather be doing anything else besides remodeling his house on a lovely summer swiss day. The Hornbach tag line translates into:

"There is always something to do".

A bit depressing, no? The swiss do like having things to do though...

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son"

2007-07-30T15:36:00.000+01:00

I know, I know. It's a low blow. But what are you gonna do? Red states are also well-fed states, apparently... :) Though southern food is pretty fucking awesomely, er...awesome...

Huh?

2007-07-28T12:23:00.000+01:00

ATM's give out five-dollar bills? My ATM in college gave out 10s, which even at the time I thought was a bit weird. I've never seen an ATM in NY give out less than 20s...Then again, you spend 20 bucks every time you cross the street in NY...Maybe they should give out 5s...

Oh Shit...

2007-07-27T12:07:00.000+01:00

New Charges Against Michael Vick

by Ben Russell

Richmond, VA

The sporting world was rocked earlier today by the news that Federal authorities have indicted Michael Vick on four charges of Cowfighting. Vick, and his associates Baptiste (B-Cow) Crespan, Urs (U-swiss) Ulrich and Pascal (DoubleP) Pascal, were indicted on charges relating to their alleged ownership, and operation, of a violent underground cowfighting ring (nicknamed Krazy Kowz) operating on property that Vick bought in Martigny, Switzerland.

The 18-page indictment against Vick and his co-defendants accuses them of animal cruelty in graphic detail and also alleges that Vick gambled on the fights. During a search of Vick’s Swiss property last week, 132 Herens cows were found, most grazing quite peacefully in the alpine meadows.

Vick's lawyer, Billy Martin, read a prepared statement from Vick himself. "Hey man. I was in Switzerland. That shit is legal, bitches."

The reporting staff at the Lausanne Found website have researched this claim, and have verified its accuracy. It is expected that all charges will be dropped...

Paleo Roundup

2007-07-26T10:14:00.000+01:00

One thing I'll say for Swiss festivals...The sound systems are great, the bands start on time, and the bathrooms are relatively clean. Though more free earplugs would be nice; I'm walking around in a haze today :(

First up, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. Surprisingly, these guys filled a pretty big tent (2500 plus) and it sounded good. A lot of bands, I think, play large places by just adding bigger amps, etc., but their sound doesn't carry. These guys did. Decent show, all around, nothing too new or exciting.

Midlake was ok, but they were a victim of being on at a weird time. They are a mellow band, so it's tough to get really pumped up. I see them as being much better on their own in a smaller venue, not an outdoor festival. They're a very tight band, though.

And, finally, the Arcade Fire. I know. They are too popular/overrated/etc. Forget all that shit. They are awesome. One of the best live shows I've seen. Easily 20-25,000 people for the main stage, and they carried it off brilliantly. Of course, would have preferred them in a smaller venue, as I'm sure they would as well, but an amazing amazing show. You know you're doing something right when swiss people are dancing their asses off.

laters.

Off to the show

2007-07-25T15:18:00.000+01:00

Whoo. Gorgeous day, skipping out soon (suckers) to go to Paleo Fest. Midlake, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, AND the Arcade Fire. Whoo-hoo. Should be fun. Full report on my return.

ciao.

The New York Times Strikes Again

2007-07-24T08:49:00.000+01:00

Dude. If you thought last week's 'Readers Comments' was bad, the NYT is really hitting a new low with this week's 'blog'. This week's question is, "What is your Biggest Fear". I mean, seriously. Can you at least pose a slightly more engaging and intelligent question? You're a NEWSPAPER for god's sake, not bloody People magazine online!! Ask about a relevant NEWS topic...As last week, I have highlighted some choice comments below. Also, please note that the timestamps on these...The freaks (unless they are on euro time like me) really do come out at night, although some of these are, admittedly, kind of depressing.

"I’m a great public speaker. I do however have the fear of falling and being impaled by any sort of shaft sticking out of the ground (if anyone knows what this fear is called, please tell me). "

"Get over your fear by not watching bad 80's action movies. No one really falls off buildings and gets impaled. " -- YR

"Being an old maid, unmarried and without children. Seriously. I am 27 years old, very educated, politically liberal, etc etc and still that is my worst, most desperate fear. "

"Kudos for being honest, but please stop enforcing stereotypes of women as bunny-boiling man chasers. Holy Shit..." - YR

"You have nothing to fear, but fear itself!’ Who said that?"

"No one, dumbass. Next time you want to quote something, look it up on the magical interweb" - YR

Hmmm...

2007-07-20T08:22:00.000+01:00

Perhaps I spoke too soon about LGA in my most recent post. Hey, FAA Train your controllers better! HOLY CRAP.

Also, in the "No F'ing Way!" department, the FAA/Congress allows lighters back on planes because searching people for lighters instead of bomb parts is stupid. Is this the bizarro world? Has the federal government actually made an intelligent decision regarding air security? Woah...

Short Runways Suck

2007-07-19T21:12:00.000+01:00

I'm creating a new YR rule of thumb. Don't fly into an airport with a runway of less than 7000 feet (or anywhere near Brazil for a while...). On Monday, TWO planes at Congonhas International Airport skidded off the end of the 6353 foot runway, a day before a TAM plane also overshot its landing and, tragically, exploded. In addition, the already-short runway was notorious for being extremely slick and they were still waiting to add the 'grooves' on the pavement when this accident happened. Another plane TODAY also pulled out of a landing. Even LGA, where we've all had some decidedly dodgy landings (i love dropping out of the sky over the east river and smashing into the pavement at 180 MPH) has 7000 foot runways. Damn. Brazil, get your airspace/infrastructure in order!

Other things I Missed

2007-07-16T13:25:00.001+01:00

A very happy birthday (last thursday) to this maniac right here and to DFF. Happy 30th, boys. Hope you got good and drunk because now you are old and will not be doing that anymore. Because you're old... hahaha.

Products I Miss...

2007-07-16T13:02:00.001+01:00

I've been inspired by the New York Times. Seems they are really embracing the whole 'interact with your readers' thing. Some choice comments... I gotta start reading a newspaper that isn't pandering to morons...PRODUCTS you MISS? Jesus H. Christ. See my reader's comments below.

"Tidal Burst Gatorade, it was turqoius and tasted way better then any other Gatorade, bring it back."

"Bring back some decent spelling and grammar. I miss it." - YR

"The walkman - you could record what you wanted on a cassette deck rather than running up against the IP restrictions that make iPods rather awkward when you have multiple media sources. "

"Yeah, I totally miss carrying around a 3 pound brick which contained a hissy tape"- YR

Coffee for under a buck. Good coffee for any price (only been to 5 places in my life that can make a decent cappucino.)
Good radio

"Coffee for under a buck is not a product. You are lamenting the increase of prices over time. Read an economics textbook. Why not say you miss free coffee from the magical coffee river? You are a retard" - YR

"Cheez-It Party Mix… the kind with cheezits, pretzels, and those little puffy rice balls… so good but so hard to find anymore! I know of ONE grocery store where I live that sells it and sometimes I’ll do all my shopping there just so I can buy some. "

"Whoops. Sorry, Melissa". - YR

"A stereo with a turn table, dual tape deck, AND cd player. This is almost impossible to find. "

"Yeah. Totally. Also one with an 8-track player would rule. Sweet jesus...what is the matter with you people?" -YR

I wish we all lived in a society that never evolved. That would be perfect.

Buy a CosmoGirl (for a non-pervy reason, you sick bastards)

2007-07-11T19:05:00.001+01:00

Yo. Go buy the August issue of CosmoGirl and check out the excerpt from MW's upcoming book "Violet on the Runway". Ms. Walker, instead of just, like, TALKING about writing a book (like everyone else, including myself has for many years) has actually gone out and done something about it. Whoo! And buy the book too, you cheapskates. It's really good.

Interesting tidbit of the day. Currently, I'm in a three-day training course on some leadership bullshit or some other such corporate nonsense. Anyway, we had an exercise today in which we had to put together a fictional travel itinerary based on a series of clues. So there were fourteen stops, and using the clues, we had to figure them out. I would like to point out, both to my American and non-American friends, that YR, the only American around the table, knew far more geography and history than everyone else. I think the Euros were in shock, as evidenced by numerous comments to the effect of 'wow, you know a lot of geography.' Left handed compliment, because they assume Americans are dumbasses. You know what I say to that? Go f**k yourself, Europe, you just got schooled by a yank (and we won too :) ). WHOO!!!

YR OUT!

Sweet.

2007-07-09T13:35:00.001+01:00

Long Island strikes again.

"More shit we've made really tacky"

Alumni Magazines

2007-07-08T17:28:00.000+01:00

Most people are the recipients of their college or university's alumni magazines, which are usually published quarterly. I'm always amazed that my little college in the middle of nowhere has the ability to accurately track where I am at all times. I swear, people in my company are still sending stuff to two addresses ago in Brooklyn. I think our alumni office uses the same technology as the Pentagon.

Besides being a great way to keep up on what's going on at your particular institution itself, there is normally a section in the back where people write in, tell us how they are doing, send pictures of the new kids, etc. I always turn eagerly to the back and go see what those in the classes around me have been up to. Recently I read the whole section (as in today cause it's raining and i'm going mental stuck inside). And I know this blog is on some Carleton aggregator, but I'm obligated, I think as a alumni donor, to make a small suggestion. Please, someone...Start reviewing these things for content. I'm not advocating censorship, but check out this recent nugget (names and class year omitted for obvious reasons).

"I am trying to keep my children out of prison and my house from being condemned"

Gee, thanks for the update. WTF??!!

Sheeeeeiiiiittt....

2007-07-08T09:57:00.000+01:00

Enjoying catching up on the Sunday Times on a rather rainy Lausanne day, and it occurs to me...YR and DMG are just so fucking ahead of the curve it's not funny. Observe, first, this story regarding one man's odyssey to make the 'F' train an express line in Brooklyn. Then I'd like to refer you to the following post from DMG (with comments by yours truly) back in December.
Seriously? We rock. Besides, we've been saying that shit since 2003... word.

This guy is a nancy for not keeping his car (and for writing such a lame article). 4 years in the city...Towed once (not my fault) and only 2 tickets. Either you have the stomach for it, or you don't. 'nuff said. :) I love it when people 'discover stuff' about living in the city. Granted, I'm sure someone mocked all of us for 'discovering' stuff as well, but i wasn't a 'journalist' either. hahaha.

laters.

What's grosser than gross?

2007-07-05T16:58:00.001+01:00

Dude. THIS IS SO GROSS !!

Happy 4th of July

2007-07-04T08:02:00.003+01:00

Once again, stuck at work. Totally, totally, TOTALLY lame. A funny story of note, though, keeping in mind my last post...

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/03/science/03boom.html?8dpc

See, I bet these high-schoolers could have blown something up successfully...

New! Terrorist Threat: Brought to you by Acme...

2007-07-02T09:27:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I'm just not sure why we all live in such fear of terrorist attacks. With the exception of September 11, most of these operations seem to be run by rejects from the Wile E. Coyote school of terrorism.

Let's go through what are, in my opinion, hilarious facts about the failure of these fucking morons to do any damage to anyone other than themselves over the past weekend in London and Glasgow.

1. The London retards parked their gas-filled bomb-cars in illegal spots. Anyone who lives in a city knows that it takes local authorities, oh...about 12 seconds to happily tow an illegally parked car... Jig's up...

2. The Glasgow guys, one of whom hilariously set himself on fire (yes, it's fucking funny, i'm sorry) didn't have big enough detonators to blow up the propane tanks. They only had enough to blow themselves up.

3. They couldn't figure out how to work the cellphone detonators.

Anyway, the image of a terrorist on fire running around with a little 'help' sign, while a cop stands by going 'meep-meep' seems rather apt today... Didn't these people go to high school? That's where you learn to seriously blow some shit up...

Ahh, Venice

2007-06-26T09:18:00.000+01:00

Back from a quick weekend in Venice to see Auntie and Uncle Russell. Good times. Pictures to follow, but some reactions.

1. While beautiful, I think UNESCO should rename Venice something like, "Disney presents: The Venice Experience". I swear, I kept thinking that all the buildings were made of pressboard, and I'm pretty sure they were using forced perspective everywhere...Just like Cinderella's castle!! Maybe it was the fact that it felt like I was hanging out in some long-lost New Jersey county. 'eeeyyyyyy'

2. Go to/stay on the Lido. Slightly further away from the center, but well worth it. Funky beach community with good restaurants and bars AND actual Italian people. It's true. I took some pictures of them. I tried to feed one but he bit me and ran off.

3. I'm sorry all you art peoples out there. I think (and just had it re-confirmed) that Matthew Barney is overrated and sorta ridiculous. Bring on the hate mail.

4. Traveling around by boat, while not particularly time-efficient, is a great way to travel.

5. The Italian standard of adding a 'cover charge' just to sit at a restaurant is bordering on communism. Really, an absolutely terrible practice.

6. I rode the Cisalpino train from Lausanne to Venice. It was awful. You can buy cheap tickets, which I did cause YR thought he'd relive his student days, but you aren't guaranteed a seat. But some people do have seat reservations. But the seats aren't labelled reserved. So it's this sick game of musical chairs for 6 hours. And don't call me soft. It's a giant pain in the ass every time a train stops to get into an argument with someone trying to yank your seat. It's really an exercise in brinksmanship. Because they MAY be trying to fool you into moving. So i demand to see tickets. Note to CIS. Either do ALL reserved seats (e.g., TGV) or NO reserved seats (e.g. Amtrak). The databases do exist to run this logistical operation. Chaos. Absolute chaos. we were delayed in Milan for 30 minutes because I'm convinced there was a mini strike.

7. I think the secret to Italy is, once you've done the grand tourist tour, is to stay in the countryside. In fact, I think that is true in any country. But Italy really is overrun more so than other places with tourism. I think it's because most of these cities (Florence, Venice, Rome) don't really have much going on besides tourism. Kudos to them for having a profitable industry, but man... Give me Tuscany any day.

Ciao.

Hahaha. Oldies but Goodies

2007-06-19T08:42:00.000+01:00

I know, I know...These are all from forwards that probably started back on Compuserv. But they are still funny. Anyway, without further ado, some funny exam answers from back in the day...

It's a bit of London, with a dash of Paris, eh fer sure?

2007-06-15T09:39:00.000+01:00

Look. I'm all for cities promoting themselves. But fucking Ottawa? Good lord... First of all, it's neither a bit of London NOR a dash Paris (just because you speak the same languages as these two cities probably doesn't mean you should compare yourself to them). Second of all, it's in Canada. Here are a few fun Ottawa facts....

"Because of its relatively warm summers, Ottawa is only the seventh coldest capital in the world[10] by annual average temperature, however by mean January temperature, Ottawa ranks third behind Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia and Astana, Kazakhstan. ...Snow and ice are dominant during the winter season. The snow season is quite variable; in an average winter, a lasting snow cover is on the ground from late November until early April, although some years are snow-free until around or beyond Christmas. Freezing rain is also relatively common."

Here are some other cities and some ad campaigns I have proposed for them. Please feel free to contribute.

"We know sounds like 'scrotum', but it's really pretty awesome. Visit lovely Scranton, PA"

"Visit the 'Hartford of the West' - Des Moines" (PS, that really is their slogan!!)

"If you loved RoboCop, you'll love Detroit"

New Music

2007-06-13T10:23:00.000+01:00

Well, new to me.

Eagle*Seagull - Interesting melodic (though a bit light) pop via Lincoln Nebraska. But good. Sounds like a cross between Beck and Belle & Sebastian.

Midlake - These guys are pretty sweet. Two very good albums. The first one is intentionally pretty lo-fi (these guys are all music geeks in reality. Check some of the tunes out here. They have a very 70s/Neil Young/America laid-back sound but they aren't a throwback or dated or anything. Good summer sitting in field music. Yes, that's a category in the YR music criticism canon. Other categories include "Good brooklyn rooftop music" and "good staring out the window while on the interstate music".

Brendan Benson (lately of the Raconteurs, also of the Greenhorns, and solo). Perfectly crafted indie pop. The ladies will love it. New Pornographers power-pop elements, but a little less jarring. Check out the album "Alternative to Love", and particularly the tracks "Spit it Out", "I feel Like Myself Again" (especially if you miss the Cars).

More later this week.

Calling all techno-geeks

2007-06-08T10:31:00.000+01:00

Ok, I'm calling on all my friends knowledgable about such things (you know who you are) to help me complete my awesome kick-ass A/V system. Think of me as, essentially, a blank slate. Also, however, think of me as a blank slate with not a ton of money to spend. I'm looking for a few core components, and will take recommendations seriously. First things first. The new centerpiece is my TV. It is a euro-tv. It is "HD Ready". For connection purposes, I have one set of component jacks, 1 HDMI, and 2 SCARTS (hahaha...have you SEEN those things? hilarious). In any case, I want to maximize the connections I have in the most effective way possible. Right now I have a crappy DVD player (i bought it for 3 bucks and it came with some free cheese) which I will be throwing out soon. I also have a digital cable box. Both are running through ONE SCART cable into my beautiful tv which is, as you can imagine, retarded...So...I need your help, loyal readers, to use the above specifications to set up a kick ass system. Oh, and the other centerpiece, shortly, will be the PS3, which will obviously function as my hi-def DVD (sorry, "blueray") player....

So. I will have a PS3, a Cable box, and as of right now, no amplifier or surround-sound set up. I don't need full surround, i think 2.0 or 2.1 would more than suffice, to be quite honest. I don't think my 90 year old neighbor would ilke it if the ceiling starts shaking on a regular basis. So. Can I route all this through HDMI? Should I use Component cables for one piece/HDMI for others? What kind of amp do i need? What cables are best? Speakers? I know you can spend 10k on speakers. Not me. I'd like ti to stay 'resasonable'. E-mail me if you have questions on what 'reasonable' means. Is this a pipe dream?

Jesus H. Christ, will someone help me with this?

Barthelona and NYC Pictures

2007-06-01T22:13:00.002+01:00

Whoo. Pictures from my trip to meet Phil and Katie in Barcelona a few weeks ago. Also some pictures from the NY trip. Thanks to Katie for all the shots.

Doug Martsch Melted My Face...

2007-05-30T09:13:00.000+01:00

Almost literally, by the way. As mentioned yesterday, ventured over to Fribourg (really small city in the middle of nowhere) to see Built to Spill (forgot my camera.damn). The venue was awesome, mainly because there weren't enough people to merit BTS playing on the larger stage in the back. So, I shit you not, they played in a room about the size of our living room at 152 Carroll St. Sure, a bit wider, but not much bigger. It was AWESOME. I kinda felt bad for those guys though. They are used to rocking out much bigger places, and the crowd was a bit swiss, meaning a lot of staring and not much grooving...But BTS gave a great show anyway, which I think shows what a great band they are. It was basically a glorified rehearsal, but these guys played like they were in front of 2000 people. Also, BTS is touring with three guitars. Count 'em... Three. That's, like, indie-pop geetar overload...And Doug Martsch actually put HIS amp in front of the drumset and then proceeded to wail for nearly two hours. Dude. This shit was LOUD. My ears are still ringing and i had earplugs in. In any case, they rocked my fucking face off. I didn't even think they needed to mike their amps, but hey, i'm not the sound guy. Lots of stuff off prior albums too, including "Car", "Else", "The Plan" and a lot of other favorites. I was standing so close to the 'stage', I could have switched pedals for all the guitar players. It was nuts.

Oh, and one other thing I thought was cool...All those guys have really basic setups. DM's guitar is basically (for anyone out there interested in such things) a Fender Strat but with no tone selector, no tone knobs, and he's got it running through a marshall half-stack with a bassman (BASSMAN) amp. That's about as 'clear' of a sound as you can get, and it sounds amazing. They really did sound just like they do on their albums, which is kind of a feat, considering how much noise they make. Well, i'll stop my BTS lovefest here...It was just a really awesome show! I usually hate concerts now. Too crowded. Blah. This one rocked.

Reason # 489,300 why L.A. Sucks

2007-05-29T13:29:00.000+01:00

Dude. you have to DRIVE everywhere, and then shit like this happens...You know why no one gets busted in NY? Because we can drink 18 vodka tonics, and then go blow rails until our nostrils explode, and we'll never get arrested unless we antagonize a cop, a bouncer, or some other type of authority figure. Or unless we're REALLY coked out and call the police and tell them we're being robbed (remember Boy George)?

See, we can't drive! we HAVE to take cabs. Cabs, in addition to being a good way of getting around, must save more idiots from getting hauled off to jail than any other factor in NY...hmm...Potential book idea. The NYC lifestyle vis a vis the cab...

Anyway, I feel badly for Lindsay. The poor girl obviously can't drive under good circumstances, and it's the only way to get around that shithole we call L.A. And to all my friends in LA...Time to move, fools. hahaha.

Pirates of the Crappibean

2007-05-29T10:32:00.000+01:00

Dude. Worst. Movie. Ever. I know I say that about a different movie every three months or so. But it was REALLY REALLY BAD. It made no sense. It wasn't funny. It made Spiderman 3 look like genius (which is was not).

So 2007 is off to a bad summer movie season... The best part about POTC was the trailer for "Transformers". Fine, I'm a big dork, but Michael Bay, AKA "the director that loves to blow shit up", plus Optimus Prime and some bad-ass giant transformers looks pretty goddamn sweet to me...Bring it on.

PS: Back in Switzerland. Had great trip to NY and great to see everyone. Will post photos soon.

PPS: Going to see Built to Spill tonight. Rocking...

A Tale of Two Cities

2007-05-17T13:15:00.000+01:00

Well, YR is temporarily back in his homeland for a few weeks, combining vacation and business. I'm giving a big presentation on Tuesday at a conference in Chicago. Wish me luck, fools.

In any case, experienced the best of NY, and the worst of NY, in the span of the 12 hours I've been here. So it was already a very long travel day, complete with delayed take-off from Munich (due to stupidity of people, which I will come back to), and a very delayed landing at JFK at about 7pm EST, which was further exacerbated by the bad storms here. Anyway, it was a mess. On a nice day, JFK is the shittiest airport in the world. Finally get bags, customs clearances, etc. only to realize I need cash. "excuse me, where is the ATM?", queries YR to a knowledgeable-looking fellow. "the what?", he responded rudely. Thinking I had been mistakenly speaking french, I paused and then said "The ATM. The Cash machine". To which he responded even more rudely "What?". To this, I was forced to reply in full New York-ese, "Dude, the machine that gives you fucking money". Argh....Fine. Then Round 2 of annoyingness. The JFK cab. For those of you who AREN'T familiar, JFK cabbies suck balls. They are usually the ones who only go between Times Square and JFK and don't know any other address. PLUS, they get bitchy when you say Brooklyn. My cabbie was instantly on my shit list when he said "manhattan?", and I replied Brooklyn. he says "manhattan?" again, and i repeat, in my best english, "BROOKLYN". He then repeats "Brooklyn?" in this obnoxious way and finally, for now the second time in 10 minutes, I snap and say "Yeah, man, you know, the fucking borough of Brooklyn? It's huge, has 2.2 million people? You have to go through it to get to most points in Manhattan?" Jesus.

So then I get the "I don't know where that is". I was like, 'i do, drive on'. Which he did, beligerantly. I almost puked from car sickness...Then we get near downtown Brooklyn, and he's like 'I don't know where to go', and i say, 'after flatbush, make a left on hoyt', and he starts FREAKING out. He's like 'i can't make a left on flatbush. flatbush here.' oh my god. i could go on, but what a disaster. Fucking retarded.

Good new york? Got in, hustled over to my favorite middle-eastern place, got some reasonably-priced delicious take-out, and chilled. Wandered around the neighborhood this morning. There are few places I'd rather be than Brooklyn on a nice, sunny, early morning. Hence, the two cities!

Laters.

PS. Airlines should fine people when they check bags and then don't get on the plane. And it wasn't a missed connection. If the bags make it, you had time to. So we get delayed an HOUR because mr and mrs. retardo can't fucking find a gate, and their bags have to be taken off. Those people should be forced to stand in the passport line for non-us citizens at JFK for 12 days.

PPS: Lufthansa rocks. Consistantly the best airline I've flown. The staff is great, the airports are great (munich, especially), and they are just very solid.

PPPS: Staying at punk-rock phil's in brooklyn while he and katie are in barcelona. Saw them there last weekend. More on that in later posts. Needless to say, great time, great city, and i love the fact that within a week's time, get to see the same people on two continents.

New Passport

2007-05-08T13:44:00.000+01:00

Dude. DUDE. Have you SEEN the new U.S. passports? I don't have any words to describe just how awful they are. And before anyone calls me a 'traitor', I liked the old passport I had. Basic, functional, cool colors, and it was pretty much BA (bad ass). I picked up my new passport today, as my old one expires in June. I mean, this thing looks absolutely ridiculous. The cover is still the same, thank fucking god, but the inside. Have you SEEN THE INSIDE?

Look, I'm as patriotic as the next guy. But signing my name, under a giant image of a bald eagle, some grain, and an American flag seems a bit much. But that's just the beginning. Each page where you get your stamps is, instead of a nice staid blue grid, a 'scene' from American history, and some quotes. I mean, who designed this thing, a fucking 8th grade Social Studies class? This is supposed to represent America? It's sooo cheesy!

I'm proud of where I'm from, but I'm sorry... It's ugly and embarrasing. And soon, you will all be embarrased too.

More news on this. I must have missed this article somehow. In any case, they are spot on. I used to like looking back on the places i've been, and their different colored stamps and so forth. Now it's just all going to get lost in this haze of ridiculousness.

YR distressed.

French perspective on the intelligence of Americans...

2007-05-07T20:50:00.001+01:00

YR's E-mail rant

2007-05-03T12:44:00.000+01:00

Ok...I've really reached the end point on people complaining about how e-mail is ruining their lives. Slate had a big article today, and a majority of it focused on Marsha Egan's "expertise" and advice on how to maintain e-mail sanity. Everyone knows someone who recommends checking your e-mail only once a day. That is fucking LOSER talk. I'm not even joking.

I'd like to get a few things off my chest about this...E-mail, and my availability to access it, does NOT decrease my productivity and increase my stress. It does not decrease the productivity and increase the stress of most people I know. I get 50+ emails a day, all work related. Very few are unanswered within 2-3 hours (during working hours). People...It's NOT THAT HARD. I've come up with some reasons for why people keep freaking out about this non-issue.

1. They are seriously stupid. And you have to be dumb to listen to anyone who describes herself as a 'corporate escapee'.

2. They are illiterate. I guess if I read at a 2nd grade level, and typed 15 wpm, and had to, wow, PLOT OUT every e-mail, Ok, maybe you've got an argument. But welcome to the 21st century. Everyone our age, at least those I know, types a billion words a minute, can answer the phone while writing e-mails, all while making coffee and surfing the web. Which brings me to my next point (albeit slightly ageist)...

3. People who can't use e-mail, and who bitch about it, are usually old. It's only people above 40 who complain about the decrease in productivity, and the distraction. Look, I'm not trying to sound like some psychopathic macho business guy...One day, there will be new technology and yes, it will flummox me to no end, and i'll probably complain about it...But i can't help noticing this trend.

According to Marsha...

"She calls e-mail "the silent corporate cancer," and that's just the start of her metaphoric arsenal: 'It eats away at people's time, a minute at a time. I call it bleeding to death from a thousand pinpricks.' Her calculation is as follows: 'It's commonly believed and understood that it takes about 4 minutes to recover from any interruption. If the computer dings at you and you look 30 times, that's 120 minutes of recovery time. That's the crisis.'"

FIRST of all, nice 'scientific stats'. I mean, I guess if you get distracted by shiny things and can't remember what you are doing half the time, then yes, I guess this is true. But it raises a bigger, and far more interesting, question to me. What exactly IS concentrating? Is it the brain's ability to focus on only one thing at the exclusion of all others? Or is it the ability to focus on many things, and process information from different sources? Which, to me, is one of the chief gaps between generations. We were the first generation, I think, who have grown up with this stuff. We can DO things at the same time. We LIKE it. It helps us focus. If i had to say 'for one hour, i will work on x, and then one hour on y' every day with a schedule, I'd go completely mental.

Anyway, you can obviously tell it's been a long day over here already. hahahaha. Comments? thoughts? Is my ageist approach the correct one?

Skype

2007-05-02T20:38:00.000+01:00

Ok, ok, ok. Yes, I've known about Skype for some time but have just been very lazy (so lazy). Anyway, all of you need to download this nonsense immediately. It rocks. And it means you can talk to me for free via your computer or mobile, as I will be setting up a U.S. dial-in number. In any case, get that shit, and add brussell11 to your buddies list. then we will talk, because i know you all want to talk to me.

And yes, no smirking. I know it's been out for a while and I'm so behind the times. But whatever. it rocks.

Unkie Noah strikes again

2007-04-26T08:26:00.000+01:00

Unkie Noah. Words can't really do him jutice. Talented artist in any and all media, couch surfer extrodinaire, and all-around good guy. Now we can add insanity-causing spammer to that list. And let me be perfectly clear; I loved every second of it. People really are...well...retarded.

Basically, Noah sent out his usual update for www.retardriot.com (it had been a while) and for some reason (well, the reason being that fuckers are lame), a bunch of people tried to 'unsubscribe'. However, when they replied to the list, it went out to everyone, and I spent an afternoon wading through, well...retards being retarded. First of all, Unkie Noah's list is cool, and you are lame for being removed from it. Secondly, it was HYSTERICAL how much people were freaking out. They were like, 'oh my god, PLEASE remove me, i've asked so many times, why must you torture me, why why why..' I was cracking up. My inbox now looks like this...

Panicked asshole quote of the day goes to this guy:

I, for one, would also like to be removed from this list. I find the work of Mr. Retard to be of no interest whatsoever.

Noah, I think your next art series should be based on driving people insane via e-mail. Even if it was by accident, it was genius. Keep up the good work, and thanks for the entertaining afternoon.

Rants

2007-04-23T09:36:00.000+01:00

Luddy, I fixed the link to your blog, you hairy madman. Thanks for the kind e-mail 'reminder'. (I can't reprint it here, folks; it violates about 12 obsenity laws). Ah Luddy. I miss you, man...

There is a lot of things flying around in the blogosphere about shaving beards. That is some serious fucking bullshit. Suck it up, people. Be bearded and proud.

Late-Season Skiing

2007-04-16T13:32:00.000+01:00

Well, you don't really ski. You just go up to about 9000 feet and sit in the sun with a beer...Life is hard...

There's going to be some changes around here

2007-04-13T09:03:00.000+01:00

1. I got bored with the old template. But I do hate that blogger really condenses its text into narrow columns. I'll have to work on this.

2. I delinked all you f***ers out there who never post to their blogs. It's embarassing, man. Step it up.

3. Taking applications for me to link to you ;). Give me some good blogs, people! I like this one (which as we all know is a blog from one of the writers/actors on "the office").

Maybe someone will link to me and then be amazed at my brilliant hilarity, and get me the fuck out of corporate america and into the writing round-table where I belong. :)

The Great Cat Re-naming Contest of 2007

2007-04-13T08:15:00.000+01:00

Winners will receive nothing. But now is your time to shine, loyal readers, and help my mom rename her cat. A bit of background may be necessary first...

My mom is like the Mother Theresa of the domestic animal world. If it's injured, old, ugly, or, frequently, dumb, an animal will have a good life with Mrs. Russell. I'm pretty sure the combined total of vet bills since I've been around probably could have bought me a penthouse on fifth avenue, or at least some non-dorky clothes in elementary school, but I digress. We have had a constant stream of dogs that can't bark, dogs that can't walk, cats that pass out for no reason, and dogs that don't like DMG (Dave made the mistake of harassing my very old, and very surly wolf-like dog Ted and nearly got his balls bitten off).

In any case, we don't exactly have a menagerie...there are never more than 4 animals max, and usually more in the neighborhood of three. They just go quickly, because my mom keeps adopting geriatric golden retrievers (who, to a tee, have flunked out of guide-dog school because, in my humble opinion, they are dumb as fucking rocks) and they don't last that long. But, as stated, they have a great life and are happy.

My mom has, in the past year, allowed a new animal into her life. A local cat, who ,clearly, was either abandoned or escaped her previous owner, now lives in our garage. She is slowly becoming a full member of the Russell family, and spends more and more time inside the house every day. Which is where the contest comes in. For some insane reason, my mom named this cat...

IMUS.

Right. as in THAT Imus. Why, you ask? I have learned not to ask, so I don't. With animals ranging in name from "Ted" (Theodore if he was bad), "Andrew", and "Niles", I guess Don Imus (though we never hear the first name) isn't that bad. Of course, now it is. This cat is no racist, and I'm worried my mom will start referring to her cat 'imus' in conversation and next thing you, know we'll have to move or something...In any case, name away. She is not huge, not tiny, black with white paws, sometimes surly, a little pot-belly, and very lazy...

'Turbo' (ironically, of course)
"Linda Evans"
"Action Jackson Terwilliger the Wonder Pussy Part II"(the first is doing well but I figure we can honor him even while he's kicking)

And otherwise, i leave it up to you. go forth and name this cat.

Erm...Google is not all-knowing.

2007-04-03T15:55:00.000+01:00

2 posts, one day. Who would have thunk it...

So everyone is familiar with the 'sponsored ad links' in g-mail, right? Here was mine just a few minutes ago...

Track Your Period - www.MyMonthlyCycles.com - Free menstrual cycle and symptom tracking. Calculates future periods

Beyond the fact that i've made no mention of any of this stuff in any e-mail , doesn't this seem like a weird product/service? First of all, is it that necessary? I know I'm not a chick (though i am surrounded by babes all the time), but i just don't get the sense that it's a huge surprise, month in, month out...

Or is it catering towards the 'natural birth control' people? If so, it seems they are opening themselves up to a lot of liability if the future period they predict is wrong and Jenny the Good Christian Girl gets ok-dokey super-rifically knocked up. I guess I could CLICK on the link to find out, but i shan't be doing that at ye olde office.

Anyway, I know I'm often shocked at google's 'accuracy', as it were, to target advertisers to me. Not today. Today, I am offended.